Ending an affair - 16 reasons and tips for ending it with style
Ending an affair is often easier said than done. As quickly as you can find yourself in the middle of a little romance, it can be just as difficult to escape from it again. Read the 8 most important reasons to end an affair, as well as helpful tips for ending it with style.
Ending an affair – 8 reasons why you should
More than half of all German men and a third of all women admit: “Yes, I've had an affair with someone who was already in a relationship!” Despite all this, there are a few very good reasons why you should end your affair:
1. Lack of time
In most cases, an affair involves a lot of effort. Constantly organizing secret meetings can be very exhausting in the long run and quickly overwhelm an already busy schedule. It is not uncommon for a fling to end simply because there is not enough time for it.
2. Too exhausting
In addition to the lack of time, a relationship can also be quite exhausting. It is almost impossible to make reliable plans, and you constantly have to be available on the spur of the moment. Does he or she still have time for me today? Or will we see each other tomorrow?
If you feel too stressed by this constant uncertainty, then you should end your affair.
3. End the affair if one of you falls in love
It was clear from the start: just sex and no feelings! But now he suddenly wants more? If you have also developed an interest in a relationship, then great! But if not, then you should definitely end the affair. A relationship based on one-sided love will not make either of you happy in the long run.
4. You fall in love
The same applies the other way around, of course. If you develop feelings for your romantic partner, but he is already taken and is not interested in anything beyond a purely sexual relationship, then end the affair. Say goodbye to the hope that he might change his mind if you just stay with him. You are only wasting your precious time, which you should spend with someone who truly loves you.
5. Affairs at work
Affairs are always a delicate matter, but a liaison at work should be considered very carefully. Can you really separate your job and your private life? It is not uncommon for sex partners to hope for professional advantages from the affair.
If your romance with your colleague or boss is causing problems, then you should end it before you jeopardize your own career.
6. When the spark is gone
In the beginning, your relationship is something new and exciting. Doing something secret has a certain appeal and is often a welcome change from the otherwise dull routine of everyday life.
But even this feeling doesn't last long. Eventually, the spark is gone and keeping everything secret just seems like a hassle. It's high time to end the affair.
7. End the affair when your guilty conscience becomes too much
What if she finds out? Am I putting my relationship at risk? Guilty conscience and the constant fear of being found out can become a huge burden when you're having an affair.
If you can't reconcile your actions with your conscience, then you should listen to your gut feeling and end the purely sexual relationship.
8. The constant uncertainty wears you down
When will we see each other again? How long will this last? Will he break up with me soon? The constant uncertainty about the future of your affair is wearing you down. If you start to suffer from your secret relationship, then end it.
8 helpful tips for ending your affair
Ending a relationship is difficult, but even if there are no feelings involved, it's not that easy to draw a line under it. These 8 helpful tips will help you succeed:
1. Ending the affair: No ghosting
Of course, ending an affair is always unpleasant. However, simply disappearing and never contacting them again should not be an option for you. Whether it's a one-time fling or a long-term affair, everyone deserves at least a few words of explanation.
2. Explain yourself
You have every right to end the affair. Nevertheless, you should be fair and communicate your reasons for doing so. This will make it easier for both of you to move on from your time together.
Here, too, the tone sets the mood. Be clear and concise, but not hurtful. Especially if one of you has feelings involved, your choice of words is crucial.
Part on good terms
A breakup with arguments and recriminations does neither side any good. Therefore, try to part on good terms and avoid harsh criticism. This will also increase the chances of remaining friends after the breakup.
4. Please, no goodbye sex
One last time before we end it for good? Not a good idea. In most cases, goodbye sex only leads to false hopes or, in the heat of the moment, you start to regret your decision, which was actually the right one.
5. Don't relapse when you end your affair
Once the affair is over, it is helpful to refrain from contact completely, at least for the time being. This will prevent you from relapsing. You had your reasons for breaking up, so stay consistent.
If contact cannot be completely avoided because you are coworkers or see each other every day at university, then you should at least maintain a noticeable distance and avoid each other as much as possible.
6. Don't string him along
He has developed feelings for you, but you don't feel the same way about him? Then don't string him along. Taking advantage of someone else's affection is not only unfair, but it will also not make you happy in the long run. Sure, you will hurt him with your decision, but better an end with horror than horror without end, don't you think?
7. Avoid rash actions
Before you end your romance just like that, you should think it through thoroughly in advance. What are the pros and cons? A list of pros and cons can help here.
Rash actions can quickly lead to you regretting your decision later.
8. Choose a neutral location
It is best to choose a neutral and public place for the breakup conversation. A park bench would be a good choice, for example, or you could arrange to go for a walk. It is important to choose a place where you have no shared memories.
Your bed in the bedroom or the cozy couch are not good places to end your affair. If you are both alone in an intimate place, the risk of relapsing is simply too high.
Ending a romance – by text message or in person?
An affair may not be a committed relationship, but you can't just end it like that. Whether a simple text message is enough or whether you should seek a personal conversation depends entirely on the length of your romance:
For a one-night stand, a text message is enough
Don't make the breakup any longer than your affair lasted. If it was a one-time fling, then a text message or WhatsApp message is perfectly sufficient. If you want to make it a little more personal, you can also send a voice message.
Breaking up via text message – What can I write to end the affair?
If you end your liaison via text message, the wording is particularly important. Be clear and concise, don't give your affair any hope, but don't be hurtful either. Helpful phrases include:
“I really enjoyed last night, but I'm in a committed relationship. I hope you understand!”
“Last night was very nice, but it also showed me that I'm actually looking for a committed relationship.”
“Even though I had a wonderful evening with you, I would like this to remain a one-time thing!”
If you have been having a longer affair, you should seek a personal conversation
If your relationship was more than just a few enjoyable evenings, a simple text message is definitely not enough. In this case, you should definitely take the time for a personal conversation. Explain the reasons for your decision to the other person sincerely and respectfully. Use phrases such as: “We both had a wonderful time together, but...
...I've realized that an affair is not for me in the long run, and I want to get back into a committed relationship.”
...I can't return the feelings you've developed for me."
...I can no longer reconcile our relationship with my conscience.“
...I don't want our professional relationship to suffer because of our affair, because my job is very important to me.”
...I've realized that I'm not the type for a romance and I need some time for myself right now to get my life back in order."
And what comes after drawing a line under it?
Congratulations! You've done it and drawn a long-overdue line under your affair. Now it's time to take a deep breath, collect your thoughts, and then calmly consider how to move forward.
1. Distraction helps
It's perfectly normal to miss your lover at first. After all, you've spent many wonderful moments together over the last few months or even years. During this period of withdrawal, one thing helps above all else: distraction. Do something, meet up with friends, and start a new project. Haven't you been wanting to redecorate your apartment for a long time? Now is the perfect time for something new.
2. Do something good for yourself
An affair can be quite a stressful time, both physically and mentally. Once it's over, you should allow yourself a moment of peace. Take time for yourself and do something that's good for you.
3. Try to save your relationship
Should I tell my partner about the affair or not? Most people are confronted with this moral dilemma after their affair. After the breakup, take enough time to reflect and consider whether you really want to fight for your relationship. After all, you had good reasons for cheating. If the answer is yes, then you should be open and honest with your partner. Only then can you give them the opportunity to forgive you.
4. After the affair: Learn from your mistakes
Of course, you must always be prepared for the possibility that your partner will not be able to forgive you for cheating and will decide to end the relationship.
In that case, unfortunately, you have no choice but to learn from your mistakes. You now know that an affair can destroy a relationship and hurt your partner deeply, and you will certainly do things differently in your next relationship.
Conclusion: Ending an affair – the most important points summarized
If your romance is causing you suffering, then it's time to end it.
Choose a neutral location; for one-night stands, a text message is sufficient to say goodbye.
End your affair if one of you develops feelings. Stalling will hurt both of you.
No goodbye sex and no relapses! Think carefully about your decision and then stick to it.
Affairs at work are always a delicate matter, so special caution is required here!
Learn from your mistakes and do something good for yourself; distraction can also help.
