Sapiosexual - When intelligence is more attractive than looks

Never heard of the term sapiosexual? If you find intelligence particularly attractive and appearance, age, or status symbols are of secondary importance to you when choosing a partner, then you may be closer to being sapiosexual than you thought.

So what exactly does it mean? We explain everything you need to know about the term sapiosexuality, offer helpful tips for finding a partner, and provide the ultimate self-test.

What does sapiosexual mean?

“It's what's inside that counts!” People who describe themselves as sapiosexual really take this saying to heart. Because sapiosexuals find intelligence particularly attractive.

Foreign words, eloquent speech, and deep conversations make them weak at the knees.

On the other hand, they are not particularly interested in physical attributes such as a toned body, a full bank account, or a fast sports car. The term is derived from the Latin verb sapere, which translates as “to know” and “to think.”

Of course, it's nothing new that there are women and men who are attracted to intelligence. But the term is becoming increasingly popular, especially in online dating. Many singles, especially women, have the term “sapiosexual” in their online dating profile. It remains questionable whether they really understand the term or whether it is just a clumsy ploy to give the impression that “appearance isn't everything to me.”

Gay, bisexual, or sapiosexual?

Be careful when using these three terms in the same breath, because there is a clear difference here: sapiosexuality is not a sexual orientation. While hetero, homo, bi, and so on define which gender you prefer when choosing a partner, sapiosexuality merely states what particular interests or preferences you have when choosing your partner. So you can be heterosexual or homosexual and still describe yourself as sapiosexual.

What makes intelligence so attractive?

Of course, it's clear that hardly anyone finds stupidity truly attractive. But why exactly is intelligence particularly appealing to many people?

As is so often the case, the answer lies in our genes. Four US researchers conducted extensive studies and discovered that there is a correlation between human IQ and sperm quality.

The attraction of intelligent people is therefore evolutionary. For women, a smart partner means promising reproductive potential, because he carries the resources for healthy and vital offspring. From an evolutionary theory perspective, as a sapiosexual woman, you are doing everything right.

The image of society is crucial

Particularly interesting: the trend toward sapiosexuality is closely related to the prevailing gender roles in a society. In societies with more traditional role models, appearance and wealth are the dominant criteria when choosing a partner.

In societies where men and women enjoy equal rights, however, appearance and financial wealth often take a back seat, and inner values such as intelligence become more important. Of course, this only applies when looking at the average for an entire country. As always, exceptions prove the rule.

Birds of a feather flock together

“Opposites attract!” This may be true in many other situations, but when it comes to sapiosexuality, the opposite is more likely to be the case. If one partner is significantly smarter than the other, this quickly leads to mutual disappointment. Often, the two partners then have few interests in common and it becomes difficult to have conversations on an equal footing. The good old saying “birds of a feather flock together” is therefore quite appropriate in this case.

Are you sapiosexual? The 10-question self-test

Has intelligence always been a decisive factor for you when choosing a partner, and now you're wondering whether you're sapiosexual? Find out with our self-test:

Sapiosexual? 6 tips for finding a partner

While many singles tend to see the anonymity of online dating as a disadvantage, sapiosexuals often prefer this form of meeting people. For them, writing messages and having conversations are the most important aspects anyway. What the person looks like in real life is secondary. But whether online or in real life, there are a few subtleties to keep in mind when flirting with a sapiosexual. We have summarized the most important tips for you:

1. First contact – avoid clumsy standard messages

Have you come across a profile online that you like and now want to take the first step and write to the person? Then you should definitely avoid clumsy standard messages such as “Hey you,” “How's it going,” or “Hi sweetie.” To make a good first impression on a sapiosexual, you have to put in a little more effort.

2. Put effort into your writing

Once you've sent your first message, don't slack off and avoid one-word answers or incomplete sentences at all costs. Put effort into your writing. This applies to both the wording and the content of your messages. You can score points with appropriate language as well as with good knowledge of current or scientific topics.

3. Be careful when choosing compliments

For sapiosexuals, good looks are rather secondary. That's why compliments such as “You are really beautiful” or “I was immediately struck by your appearance” are unlikely to score points with them. It's better to say something nice about his or her writing style or admire the way your counterpart expresses themselves.

4. Attention to detail

Don't worry: you don't have to be an all-knowing Albert Einstein to win over a sapiosexual. Many find in-depth knowledge in a rather unusual field attractive. Find a topic you are a real expert on and you will see: with a detailed lecture on the manufacture of toothpaste, you can impress more than you think.

5. Pay special attention to grammar and spelling

Whether chatting on an online dating platform, via email, or even just in a short text message, spelling and grammar must be perfect when communicating. It's best to read your texts carefully a second or third time before pressing send.

6. The first meeting—choosing the right location is crucial

You've convinced a sapiosexual person online and now they want to meet you in person? Yay! You've taken the first step! To make sure you can win them over in the second step, it's best to choose a quiet place for your first date. In a noisy, crowded restaurant, you'll hardly have a chance for a deep conversation. A walk in the park, a picnic in the countryside, or a leisurely breakfast in a small café are more suitable.

Conclusion: A helpful dating trend

In the age of online dating, many people use the term sapiosexual primarily to set themselves apart. They are saying, “Singles with a low IQ need not even bother contacting me!” However, their own IQ remains uncertain. Therefore, our advice is: don't take the term sapiosexual too seriously and leave it at what it is: a thoroughly helpful dating trend. After all, it certainly helps some people find their dream partner among the huge selection of singles out there. And at the end of the day, that's what counts.