Monogamous relationships: a contemporary ideal or outdated?
Till death do you part. That is the ideal for every monogamous relationship. But is the concept of eternal fidelity still relevant today? What exactly does monogamy mean, and how can a monogamous partnership work? Read about this and much more here:
What is monogamy?
Monogamy refers to a relationship with only one partner. Colloquially, the term is often equated with marriage, which is why it is also referred to as “monogamous marriage.” The opposite of monogamy is polygamy, better known as an open relationship.
Nowadays, there are many different forms of monogamous relationships. Serial monogamy is widespread. In this type of relationship, both partners are sexually faithful, but only for the limited duration of their relationship. If they separate, both partners look for a new partner with whom they can live monogamously again.
In a socially monogamous relationship, on the other hand, both partners stay together for life, but occasional flings and affairs are allowed or even desired.
Monogamous relationships – are they still relevant today?
One in five Germans has cheated on their partner at some point. Looking at this figure, it's reasonable to ask: are monogamous relationships still relevant today? Or is the model of eternal fidelity long outdated in today's modern world?
What proponents of monogamous partnerships say
“True love is when fidelity is fun!” If you believe the proponents of a monogamous lifestyle, eternal fidelity is anything but a constraint. Rather, it is something that comes naturally when you truly love someone. Most Germans prefer at least the idea of a monogamous relationship. 72% of men and 88% of women say that sexual fidelity in a relationship is very important to them.
Another argument in favor of monogamy: Long-term relationships with a steady partner have a positive effect on our psyche and our health. Scientists at the University of Ontago found that such people suffer less from depression and anxiety.
Children also benefit from their parents' faithful behavior. It has a positive effect on their personality development and helps them to suffer less from commitment phobia as adults and be more capable of building long-term and deep relationships with other people.
The case against monogamy
Finding the one person you want to spend your whole life with. The one person who can satisfy all our emotional, social, and physical needs and stand by our side in every situation. According to critics of monogamy, this is pure wishful thinking.
They even claim that it is the very attempt to maintain a monogamous relationship that leads us to infidelity.
Why is that? For them, monogamy means one thing above all else: renunciation. A renunciation of physical closeness and intimacy with other people, which inevitably leads to infidelity at some point. However, this does not mean that opponents of monogamy are totally unromantic. For them, love is simply something unlimited. Something that can be shared with any number of people in an open relationship and is not limited to a single partner.
Germans are also divided
When people in Germany are asked what they think about monogamy, there is no clear opinion here either. Only 25% of Germans think that humans are monogamous by nature. Nevertheless, 74% of them believe in love for life. How does that fit together?
A lifestyle that is not completely monogamous simply does not rule out love for life. Why can't we still find other people attractive even though we are in a relationship?
Are humans naturally monogamous?
Evolutionary research shows that humans have always had socially monogamous relationships. Sexual monogamy, on the other hand, was rather rare in the past. People lived with a permanent partner in a family union, but also had several purely sexual partnerships on the side. While open relationships are still widespread in large parts of Africa and many Arab countries, sexual monogamy has become the norm in Europe and the rest of the Western world. The wedding ritual as a seal of lifelong partnership has existed since Roman times. Even today, it is an integral part of our Western value system.
And this is how it looks in the animal world
Polygamous or monogamous by nature? Even in the animal world, there is no clear answer to this question. Among mammals, for example, polygamy is the absolute norm. Only three to five percent live in monogamous relationships. Birds, on the other hand, are much more faithful to their partners. Over 90 percent of them live with a single partner for their entire lives. According to evolutionary research, these major differences are mainly due to two very practical reasons.
It has been found that there is a connection between the number of offspring and monogamous lifestyles. If only a few offspring are born, it is all the more important that the father and mother care for them together. They therefore usually live monogamously.
Species that require a particularly large amount of time to care for their offspring also tend to have monogamous relationships so that the father can support the mother in raising them.
Monogamy is best suited to our reproduction
Even if it cannot be clearly determined whether we humans are monogamous by nature, the findings from the animal world allow us to draw clear conclusions. After all, we humans also usually give birth to only one child per pregnancy, and it takes a full 18 years for that child to reach adulthood and lead an independent life.
How can a monogamous relationship work?
5 helpful tips
Are you one of the majority of Germans for whom fidelity in a relationship is very important? These 5 tips will help make it work in the long term:
1. Open communication
Whether among friends, with family, or with your partner, open and clear communication is the basis for any long-term relationship. Talk to your partner about your needs and make it clear whether you both have the same ideas about your relationship. If one person wants a monogamous relationship and the other wants an open relationship, it won't work in the long run.
2 Show understanding
Just as important as communicating your own needs is responding to your partner's wishes. Listen to their problems and try to find a solution together.
3. Mutual trust
Trust is also immensely important if a relationship is to work in the long term. Avoid mistrust and jealousy and give each other space.
4. Moments together
Try to strike a healthy balance between closeness and distance. Give each other enough space, but at the same time plan enough time for togetherness. Perhaps you could find a hobby together or do something with mutual friends? Making plans for the future will also strengthen your relationship in the long term.
5. Physical intimacy
Of course, an active sex life is also part of every relationship. Talk openly about your desires and needs. Create exciting variety and escape the everyday routine that eventually sets in in any relationship.
Conclusion: Monogamy is not always the same
Whether monogamy is the right type of relationship for you or whether you are more suited to an open relationship is a question of individual preference. For some, the emotional bond with a single partner is the most important thing, while others value sexual fidelity above all else. Ultimately, you have to decide for yourself what type of relationship will make you happy in the long term. The important thing is to find a way that both you and your partner feel comfortable with.
