Self-love—8 reasons why it's important for relationships
Self-love—what does it even mean to love yourself, and more importantly, can you learn to love yourself? Yes, you can! We'll tell you why it's so important for your relationship to love not only your partner but also yourself, and give you 8 helpful tips on how you can learn to love yourself.
What does self-love mean?
The term self-love is often unfairly associated with negative connotations and equated with words such as selfishness or vanity. But there is a big difference! While selfish people see themselves as superior, self-love means valuing yourself just as much as your friends and family.
Self-love means being considerate of yourself and your needs. It means taking care of yourself, treating yourself with love, and accepting yourself as you are.
Causes of a lack of self-love
Our self-image develops primarily in early childhood. If we grow up in a loving environment where we learn what it means to be loved and valued, we will develop a positive self-image.
On the other hand, too little appreciation and affection in early childhood often leads to a lack of self-love in adulthood. However, this does not mean that everyone who lacks self-love had a terrible childhood or was raised poorly, nor does it mean that everyone who received too little appreciation as a child will be unable to feel self-love later in life. Traumatic events, bullying, or a painful breakup can also cause us to not love ourselves as we should.
Why is self-love important for relationships? 8 reasons
The basis for a functioning partnership is not only unconditional love for your partner. Even more important is self-love, for the following 8 reasons:
1. Lack of self-love causes relationship conflicts
If we don't value ourselves, this inevitably leads to inner imbalance, which we then tend to take out on other people. This is not a good basis for a harmonious relationship. Arguments are inevitable. If, on the other hand, we are at peace with ourselves, we are also friendlier towards our fellow human beings and don't let little things upset us so easily.
2. Jealousy
A lack of self-love often leads to excessive jealousy, especially in relationships.
3. It is more difficult to love
Those who do not love themselves also find it more difficult to express this love to other people. The fear of rejection is too great.
4. It is more difficult to accept love
Just as it is more difficult for us to give love, people who do not value themselves also have problems accepting love from another person. Why should we believe someone else when they say they find us lovable and beautiful if we ourselves cannot find any reasons for this?
5. A lack of self-love leads to emotional dependence
Love is a human need. We all need it. If we cannot give it to ourselves, we are all the more dependent on the love and affection of our partner. We enter into emotional dependence. This is not a good basis for an equal relationship between two equals.
6. Self-love makes us more attractive
If we are at peace with ourselves, this also has a positive effect on our charisma. With a positive charisma, we appear much more likable and attractive.
7. Without self-love, there can be no relationship of equals
If we doubt ourselves, we have an increased need to compensate for this self-doubt with recognition and love from our partner. We would do almost anything to get attention from them. A relationship of equals looks different!
8. You have a better sex life
Self-love also means feeling comfortable in your own body. However, this is precisely where many people have a problem. In everyday life, they like to conceal their problem areas with appropriate clothing, but when things get intimate, this is no longer possible. The result: we feel uncomfortable and cannot enjoy ourselves fully. Studies show that when we are at peace with our bodies, things also go much better in the bedroom.
8 tips for learning to love yourself
Do you find it difficult to love yourself? Then we have two pieces of good news for you. Number 1: You are not alone. Many people, even those who may seem particularly self-confident at first glance, struggle with the issue of self-love. Number 2: Loving and appreciating yourself is something you can learn, and it's easier than you might think. These 8 tips will help you succeed:
1. Don't compare yourself
Do you often compare yourself to others? Then the first step toward self-love should be to stop doing that! We humans have a habit of always comparing ourselves to people who are better than us. Of course, we can only lose when we make these comparisons. The result: we are unhappy, dissatisfied, and our self-image suffers. So: stop comparing yourself to others.
2. A date with yourself
What is good for you? What helps you to really switch off and recharge your batteries? Take the time to do exactly these things. Invite yourself on a date with yourself. You deserve it.
3. Get to know and appreciate your strengths and weaknesses
Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Together, they make us unique.
Find out where your personal strengths and weaknesses lie. It can be helpful to simply make a list. This often reveals characteristics that you are not even aware of in everyday life. You will be amazed at yourself.
4. Focus on your strengths
Nobody is perfect! Everyone has their rough edges and everyone has things they are not yet good at, that they are simply not good at or that they would like to improve. And that's a good thing. Have goals and try to improve, but don't just look at the things you can't do yet, focus on the positive things and use them as motivation to achieve the rest.
5. Express your wishes and needs
Learning to love yourself means, above all, taking your own needs and wishes seriously and expressing them. Saying what you want has nothing to do with selfishness. Quite the contrary. It will make things much easier for you when dealing with friends, but especially in your relationship.
6. Celebrate yourself (even for the little things)
Did you write that unpleasant email today that you've been putting off for days, or did you finally fold the laundry? Great! Celebrate yourself for the little things in life and don't wait for someone else to do it!
7. Stop apologizing all the time
Are you one of those people who apologizes constantly and for everything? Then now is a good time to stop. If you make a mistake or hurt someone, then it is undoubtedly appropriate to apologize. However, you should never apologize for your character and personality. Did you laugh too loudly or start crying during a harmless argument? There's no reason to apologize. Stand by who you are. Often, it is precisely these things that make us especially loved.
8. Treat yourself like the person you love most
Our last “tip for learning self-love” is probably also the most difficult: treat yourself the same way you treat the person you love most. Whenever you find yourself in a situation where you realize that you are not being good to yourself, remind yourself how you would treat this person in this situation.
If they made a mistake, we would certainly be understanding toward them instead of criticizing them for it. If they are sad, give them a hug instead of telling them to pull themselves together.
Conclusion: Self-love makes many things easier
As you can see, self-love makes many things in life and in love easier. Fortunately, there are a few things you can actively do to learn to love and appreciate yourself. Feel lovable, because you are!
