Toxic relationship: 10 signs & 7 tips to escape it
Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? Then you know very well that a toxic partner can become a mental and physical burden. But even though it's not good for us, it's usually not that easy to end toxic love. Learn what exactly a toxic relationship is, how to recognize it, and how to end toxic love.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship, often referred to as a poisonous relationship, makes you both mentally and physically ill. While the toxic partner dominates with their selfish and inconsiderate behavior, the less dominant partner begins to doubt themselves more and more. In summary: Toxic relationships make us unhappy rather than happy.
The tricky thing about it: even though we recognize that the partnership is not good for us, it is very difficult to break away from a toxic love.
Particularly alarming: according to a recent study, more than one in three people (36 percent) in Germany have been in a toxic relationship at some point. Women (41 percent) suffer from toxic love more often than men (31 percent).
Even celebrities are not immune to toxic relationships. There is a long list of songs that deal with coming to terms with toxic love. In “Lose You To Love Me,” for example, Selena Gomez sings about a relationship in which she lost herself before she managed to escape it. And Eminem and Rihanna also sing about a love that makes you sick but that you still can't escape in their hit “Love The Way You Lie.”
Recognizing a toxic relationship – 10 signs & characteristics
1. A toxic partner can't move fast enough
Another sign that you may be with a toxic partner is that everything happened too fast for you. From the very beginning, they showered you with love, which is also known as “love bombing.” Your relationship quickly became very physical. After only a short time, he or she started talking about moving in together, going on vacations together, or even wedding plans. This should set off alarm bells for you.
2. A toxic relationship is characterized by extremes
A relationship with a toxic person is a roller coaster ride of emotions. He or she often switches from being loving and gentle to cold and mean within a short period of time. Arguments are often followed by a usually physically intense reconciliation. Such emotional swings unsettle the non-toxic person in the relationship. Self-doubt sets in and you ask yourself, “What did I do wrong now?” Such extreme highs and lows are typical of toxic love.
3. A toxic partner is never satisfied
You will never be able to satisfy a toxic partner. Whether it's your hairstyle, what you eat, or even your breathing, which is once again much too loud. They constantly find fault with you. No matter what they don't like—and that happens very often—it's always your fault.
4. Gaslighting
This is when one partner deliberately tries to unsettle the other person through lies and manipulation. The other person begins to doubt themselves until they no longer know what is true and what is not. Incidentally, the name gaslighting comes from the film of the same name, Gaslight, in which a man tries to convince his wife that she has lost her mind.
5. Control
Does your partner always ask you what you are doing and who you are meeting? While this is a sign of genuine interest and affection in a normal relationship, the toxic partner has a different goal: control.
6. Isolation from friends and family
Have you been doing less and less with your friends lately and hardly seeing your family? This could be another sign that you are in a toxic relationship.
7. Strong emotional dependence on the toxic partner
Emotional dependence is a particularly strong sign of a toxic relationship. By now, alarm bells should be ringing. You realize that the relationship is not good for you, but you can't bring yourself to break up? The fear of being alone afterwards is too great. Your self-confidence has suffered greatly as a result of the relationship. At the urging of your toxic partner, you have also become increasingly isolated from friends and family. Due to constant control, you hardly do anything without him or her anymore. Emotional dependence makes it so difficult to free yourself from a toxic love.
8. You notice that you are changing
You have always been a cheerful and outgoing person. But lately, you have been withdrawing more and more, closing yourself off and often feeling sad? Such behavioral changes are also typical characteristics of a toxic love.
9. A toxic relationship can make you ill
Toxic people are narcissists. They know how to emotionally break down and stress their partner. They take out their frustration on others and do not even shy away from public insults and humiliation. While the less dominant person suffers greatly in the relationship and can even become seriously physically or mentally ill, the toxic partner is unaware of any fault on their part.
10. Pathological jealousy
Jealousy occurs in almost every relationship and, to a certain extent, is even beneficial for the partnership. However, toxic partners suffer from pathological jealousy.
Physical symptoms of toxic love
Our bodies and our minds are closely connected. For this reason, a toxic relationship not only makes us mentally ill, but often physically ill as well. Typical symptoms include:
Frequent fatigue
Physical exhaustion and feeling drained
Skin reactions such as rashes
Digestive problems, including food intolerances
Concentration problems
Memory and speech difficulties
Muscle tension
Back pain
Headaches
A tight feeling in the chest or even shortness of breath
Of course, these symptoms can also have completely different causes. However, if several of them apply to you, this may be an initial sign that you are in a toxic relationship.
Am I in a toxic relationship? The self-test
Are you wondering whether you might be in a toxic relationship? Answer the following questions honestly and find out.
We argue very often.
When we argue, I'm always the one who's to blame.
He/she never apologizes.
I feel like I give a lot in our relationship, but get very little in return.
I often feel like I can't do anything right for him/her.
There are never any compromises in our relationship.
He/she often gets upset about totally trivial things.
I see my friends and family less and less since we've been together.
He/she is very jealous.
I often take a back seat in our relationship.
He/she controls where I go and who I meet.
It hurts me when he/she speaks badly about my friends or family.
He/she often has mood swings.
Arguments are often followed by intense reconciliation.
Our relationship is often very physical.
He/she cannot handle criticism. I am always to blame.
My self-confidence has weakened since we've been together.
I often feel exhausted.
I'm not happy in the relationship.
I defend my partner in front of friends and family.
I can't imagine ending the relationship.
If you are completely honest with yourself, would you answer yes to most of these statements? Your relationship has many typical characteristics of a toxic love. Seek help and find a way out of the relationship that is making you ill.
Even if only a few of the statements apply to your relationship, this can be an initial warning sign that something is wrong. Ask friends or family for help or talk to your partner.
How does toxic love develop?
Now that you know all about toxic relationships, you may rightly ask yourself: “Why would anyone get involved in something like that?” “Who falls in love with someone who treats them so badly?” But that's precisely what's so insidious about such relationships: they usually start out anything but toxic. At the beginning of the relationship, the toxic partner treats you like royalty and showers you with declarations of love. Unfortunately, however, this honeymoon period is short-lived. Soon enough, their true colors come out.
But how does a toxic relationship come about in the first place? Why do people behave toxically?
The causes are often deep-rooted. Bad experiences, childhood memories, trauma, or hurt are common reasons. People with toxic behavior are not at peace with themselves. They then take out their displeasure with themselves on their partner. The person serves as a projection screen, so to speak. Toxic people have problems feeling emotions. By taking out their negative emotions on others, they can perceive and channel them.
Ending a toxic relationship: These tips will help
Looking in from the outside, it's easy to ask, “Why is she still with him if he treats her like that?” But you know all too well how difficult it is to end a toxic relationship. These 7 tips will help you do it.
1. Recognize toxic love
The first step out of a toxic relationship is to admit to yourself that you are in one. Easier said than done when your self-confidence has suffered greatly as a result of the relationship. Thoughts such as “I don't deserve any better!” quickly come to mind. Lists are always a good idea for an objective view of the relationship. Write down all the good and bad things about your relationship. Do the bad things outweigh the good? Then that should give you pause.
2. Ask friends for help
It is also helpful to ask friends or family for help. Toxic love can blind you. Don't be ashamed to ask others for help in opening your eyes.
3. You are not alone!
Those affected are often very afraid that they will be alone if they leave their partner. But you are not alone. Open up to your good friends or family and they will be there for you.
4. Don't fall into the on-off trap
Friendship after a breakup can definitely work. But if you end a toxic relationship, you should definitely keep your distance after the breakup. Often, completely cutting off contact is the only way out. Particularly toxic relationships often develop into on-off relationships. Don't fall into this trap and make a clean break.
5. Boost your self-confidence
Your self-confidence and self-esteem are trampled on by your toxic partner. This makes it all the more important to boost them after you have ended your toxic relationship. Learn to trust your feelings again and value yourself. Listen to your own needs and put them first. And most importantly, set your own boundaries. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with just to please other people.
6. End toxic relationships with professional help
Don't be afraid to seek professional help. This is not a sign of weakness—on the contrary. It shows that you value yourself and are ready to leave negative experiences behind. Together with a therapist, you can also explore the causes of your toxic love. This will help you ensure that you don't end up in such a relationship again.
7. Goodbye toxic love, hello equal relationship
Leave the negative events behind you and look ahead. Somewhere out there, your dream partner is waiting for you. A person who values you and brings out the best in you. Everyone has the right to a healthy and happy relationship based on equality.
