Fear of loss: 5 symptoms and 10 tips to overcome it
We are all familiar with it in some way: the fear of loss. However, it only becomes problematic when it takes over our daily lives, especially in relationships. Of course, there are ways and means to work on the fear of loss, either on your own or together with your partner. But what exactly is the fear of loss and how can it best be overcome? Find out here:
Where does fear of loss come from?
The cause of excessive fear of loss often lies in childhood. Experiences such as the death of a parent or parental separation can traumatize a child at an early age. If there is no opportunity to process this, such experiences can shape the child and lead to severe fear of loss in adulthood. Other causes of fear of loss include:
Overly anxious parents
Depression
Helplessness of caregivers
Low self-esteem
Betrayal by a partner
Lack of security and comfort in childhood
You can recognize fear of loss by these 5 symptoms
1. Jealousy
If someone becomes jealous during the getting-to-know-you phase, for example, if you as a woman still meet other men, this is a sign of fear of loss on the part of the other person. This also often occurs in relationships when your partner quickly becomes jealous when you meet up with friends or have coworkers with whom you get along well.
2. Constant mistrust and controlling behavior
Those affected tend to want to know what their partner is doing and where they are at all times. Phone calls often quickly turn into a kind of cross-examination, and things like spending time with friends or going to a party in the evening can very quickly end in an argument or even the sudden appearance of the person affected. Those affected also tend to rummage through their partner's cell phone or laptop.
3. The search for reassurance
People with fear of loss need constant reassurance from their partner. This can relate to appearances and manifest itself in questions such as "Do you still find me attractive? You didn't say anything about my new jacket“ or questions such as ”Do you still love me?" if their partner does not express this regularly. People with fear of loss also often react dismissively or take offense at what they perceive as insufficient attention.
4. Emotional dependence
People with fear of loss are at risk of becoming emotionally involved immediately after the first encounter, e.g., a date. This is where it starts, where they focus only on the other person and quickly give up their own freedoms. The same applies in relationships: often, their whole life is focused on their partner and their own interests are completely neglected and put on hold.
5. Clinging
For people who are affected by a strong fear of loss, past relationships can also be a problem. They usually have great difficulty getting over past relationships and may like to talk about their former love on new dates. A new date could also quickly become affected by excessive clinging and feel restricted.
Overcoming fear of loss: These 7 tips will help you
1. Recognize your own behavior patterns
Have you always believed that others are to blame for your failure to meet someone? The first step in the right direction is self-awareness. Try to reflect on yourself and recognize where your behavior might cause discomfort. Only when you recognize your own problems can you work on them and look for solutions.
2. Investigate the causes
Next, it is important to identify the causes of your own fear of loss. Do you feel that, for example, your parents' divorce during your childhood could be influencing you? Try to process this experience and clearly separate it from the present. Realize that your childhood losses or the infidelity of a former partner have nothing to do with your current partner.
3. Overcome fear of loss by articulating your fears
To overcome fears, it can be very helpful for those affected to put them into words. A diary is a good way to do this, as you can write down all your worries, fears, and negative feelings. Putting your thoughts and feelings into words can help you understand yourself better and, as a result, make it easier to work on yourself. Give it a try!
4. Focus on the positive
All too often, we allow ourselves to be guided and consumed by negative thoughts, leaving no room for positive feelings. Here, too, keeping a journal can be very helpful: write down three things each day that you are grateful for, that you want to work on, or that made you happy today. You can also make a list addressed to your partner – “Reasons why I love you.” You will notice how good this is for your mindset.
5. Meditation for stress relief
Meditation can also be a good way to reduce stress and calm your thoughts. It usually takes some practice, but there are courses, books, and CDs available even for beginners. Once you've tried it, meditation can be a wonderful way to relax and banish negative thoughts from your mind.
6. Overcoming fear of loss with psychotherapy
Psychotherapy is probably the most effective method for confronting and overcoming your fear of loss. A therapist can offer you professional help, which may be necessary if your fear of loss is too strong. There are various forms of therapy, so you should find out about them in advance and arrange a trial session. This will allow you to see what is right for you and start tackling your fear.
7. Self-love
People with fear of loss often have low self-esteem and self-confidence. Therefore, it is important to learn how to love yourself. To do this, you should be mindful and try to control your thoughts so that you do not always drift into negative thinking. In this case, psychotherapy can also help, but talking to friends or doing something good for yourself can also be the first steps in the right direction.
Fear of loss in your partner: 3 tips for dealing with it
1. Encouragement and support
If you have a partner who suffers from fear of loss, you should not criticize them, but show understanding and encourage them to work on their problems. This also means supporting your partner without losing sight of your own needs.
2. Create space for yourself
Even if you want to help your partner as much as possible, it is incredibly important not to lose sight of your own needs and to create space for yourself.
3. Communication
Communication is essential when dealing with a partner who has a fear of loss. This includes talking together about your partner's worries and fears and working on them. However, it also includes communicating openly when you want to do something on your own and setting boundaries. Make your partner aware that they can trust you and that an evening with friends, for example, does not mean betrayal.
Conclusion: Find the causes to overcome fear of loss
Overcoming fear of loss always starts with you. Try to find the causes of your fear and begin to consciously steer your thoughts in a positive direction. Always try to communicate openly with your partner and try to be understanding towards them. There are many ways in which you can support yourself or others can support you in overcoming your fear of loss. The important thing is not to give up and to work on yourself continuously. You can do it!
