Age difference in a relationship: When does age become a problem?
Age difference in a relationship—what do you think about it? You probably have a clear opinion on this. An older woman with a younger man or an older man with a younger woman. There is hardly any other relationship topic that is subject to more prejudice. But are our clichéd views correct? Does age really play such an important and significant role in love?
We have summarized the challenges that couples with an age gap face in everyday life, the advantages and disadvantages of such a relationship, and 10 tips on how to make it work. We have summarized this and much more for you:
4 Prejudices about couples with an age gap
Relationships with a large age difference are quickly pigeonholed by society. Very few people question whether their prejudices are justified. Perhaps age simply doesn't matter when it comes to true love.
Our society views relationships in which one partner is more than ten years older than the other critically. It represents a deviation from the familiar norm.
Are you familiar with the typical prejudices that couples with a large age gap have to contend with? Here are four classic examples:
1. A younger woman falls in love with an older man:
For many people, it's immediately clear that the woman is only after the man's money. If not, then she definitely has a father complex.
2. An older woman and a younger man in a relationship:
He's just a toy boy for the time being. Or she's not coping well with her age and wants to feel younger with a younger man by her side.
3. A man falls in love with a significantly younger woman:
He's acting like a sugar daddy. Or he's suffering from a midlife crisis and needs to boost his market value.
4. A younger man has a relationship with an older woman:
While the man is the “hero” to his friends because he managed to land an older and more mature woman, skeptics quickly realize that he definitely has a mother complex.
How big can the age difference be in a relationship? Six facts provide insight
Men seek women who are the same age or younger.
For women, on the other hand, their partner's age is a real deal breaker. Why is that? These preferences are a product of evolution. Different preferences and expectations in a relationship are partly primal instincts. Based on these desired conditions for each gender, it is implied that men seek younger women and women seek older men. But how big can the age difference be in a relationship? Here's what the statistics say:
An age difference of up to ten years is not a problem.
With an age difference of five years, the risk of separation is 18 percent on average.
If the partners are ten years apart, the risk of separation rises to 39 percent.
In general, it can be assumed that the smaller the age difference, the lower the probability of separation.
A large age difference is the exception rather than the rule.
Only 6 percent of all couples had an age difference of more than ten years.
About half (47 percent) had only a small age difference of one to three years.
One in ten couples were exactly the same age.
Of course, the same applies here: exceptions prove the rule. Love doesn't care about statistics. The most important thing is how old you feel.
Particularly interesting: Among married couples, the classic age constellation dominates: in 74 percent of marriages, the man is older than his wife. In non-marital partnerships, on the other hand, the woman is significantly more often (23 percent) older than the man.
What challenges arise when there is a large age difference?
Various celebrity relationships show that a large age difference does not have to be an obstacle to a successful relationship. French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte are 25 years apart, and George and Amal Clooney also have an age difference of 17 years. But it's not just among celebrities; relationships with large age gaps are becoming more and more common among us ordinary people too. Nevertheless, sooner or later you will face a number of challenges.
1. The early death of your partner
This is definitely an issue that couples with a large age gap have to deal with. Unfortunately, every body has an expiration date.
2. Different standards of living
You may still be at the beginning of your career, while your partner has already achieved a lot. This can quickly become a source of conflict.
3. An older partner makes family planning more difficult
This mainly affects relationships in which the woman is significantly older. While men can still father children into old age, the biological clock for women runs out at 50 at the latest.
4. Different needs and desires
The younger partner often has their whole life ahead of them. They want to do things and travel, develop their career, or move to another city. The older partner, on the other hand, has already experienced a lot in their life. They may already be thinking about retirement and long for peace and stability in their life.
5. Sex
Men are often afraid of physical decline. Many women, on the other hand, fear being left for someone younger. If one person in the relationship is significantly younger than the other, it is not uncommon for them to have different sexual needs. If these can no longer be satisfied, there is always the risk that one of the partners will cheat.
6. Few mutual friends
In relationships with a large age difference, there is often little overlap in the circle of friends. It often happens that the younger partner is not accepted by the older partner's circle of friends. The older partner, on the other hand, often feels uncomfortable and out of place with the younger partner's friends.
7. A large age difference means less shared life experience
It's clear that the closer the ages of both partners are to each other, the more experiences they can share. This sharing has been proven to strengthen the relationship with your partner. If a couple lacks these commonalities due to the large age gap, mutual misunderstanding can quickly arise.
8. Different values
People who grow up in different times are shaped by different values. In relationships with a large age gap, it often happens that the older partner tries to educate the younger partner. They think they have to impart their own values to them.
Older woman, younger man – what actually bothers us about this?
In 74 percent of German marriages, the man is older than his wife. So while the concept of an “older man and younger woman” seems perfectly normal, we quickly perk up when the opposite is true. But why is that? Let's look at it from the female perspective:
The younger man is full of zest for life, perhaps a little insecure – looking for someone to help him harness his strengths and talents. For women, a younger partner is not a substitute for a son, nor is he a status symbol. An older woman who enters into a relationship with a younger man is not longing for stability and security, because she already has that herself. Rather, she wants a man who wants more than just to go to work and sit in front of the TV. It's about joie de vivre, activity, and agility.
Partnerships with an age gap: 8 tips on how to make it work
Partnerships with a large age gap come with a few additional challenges to overcome. Here are ten tips to keep in mind:
1. Honesty and communication
As in any other relationship, honest communication is the key to success. Talk about your own feelings, desires, and problems. A solution can be found for almost every problem; you just have to talk about it.
2. Couples with an age difference must find compromises
The greater the age difference, the more different the needs and interests are. This makes it all the more important to respond to each other's wishes. Compromises must be found that make both partners happy.
3. Allow enough space
Not everything has to be compromised. Accept your different circles of friends and hobbies. It is not a sign of alienation if both partners can continue to pursue their own interests. Mutual trust will make your relationship and your love all the stronger.
4. Cultivate common ground
Despite different hobbies and needs, create many moments together. Do you both like art? Then look for exhibitions that interest you both. Spending time together is the basis for a functioning partnership. It strengthens and deepens your relationship.
5. Build trust
Fear of loss is a particular issue in relationships with a large age difference. The older partner in particular often lives in constant fear of being replaced by a younger partner. Trust in mutual love is therefore particularly important.
6. Clearly define your plans for the future
The large age gap not only creates challenges in the here and now, but can also put a strain on your future together. To avoid disappointment and misunderstandings, you should communicate clearly from the outset how you envision growing old together. Do you still want children? Where do you want to live? And who will earn the money when one of you retires?
7. Younger woman and older man? Defy role stereotypes
Resist the prejudices of those around you and don't fall into role stereotypes. It is important that you treat each other as equals despite your age difference. Falling into father-daughter or mother-son role relationships can quickly become a reason for separation.
8. Stick together
Not everyone around you will approve of your relationship. You will have to deal with all the typical prejudices about couples with a large age gap, whether you like it or not. It is particularly important that you both stick together and are a strong team.
Advantages and disadvantages of a relationship with an age gap
What are the disadvantages of a partnership with a large age gap? And what are the advantages of being with someone significantly younger or older? We have summarized the most important advantages and disadvantages:
7 advantages of a relationship with a large age gap
The younger partner can learn from the life experience of the older partner.
The older partner benefits from the younger partner's zest for life and energy.
High chances of a happy relationship: relationships with a large age gap are often entered into very consciously.
There is a higher level of mutual understanding and consideration. That's why such relationships are often much more intense and emotional.
Stability and maturity are provided by the older partner.
Older men can still fulfill a woman's desire to have children even at an advanced age.
Both sides bring very different qualities and experiences to the relationship: This makes it particularly interesting and exciting.
6 Disadvantages of a relationship with a large age difference
Desire to have children. If the woman is significantly older than the man, the biological clock will eventually throw a spanner in the works of family planning.
Physical limitations of the older partner mean that you also have to cut back on leisure activities.
Dealing with death. With a large age difference, you have to assume that death will come much sooner for the older partner.
Regardless of whether you are the older partner or the younger partner, you are almost always at different stages of life.
The older partner often tends to lecture with their experience and wisdom.
Criticism from outside. Couples with a large age difference are often exposed to many prejudices and a lack of understanding from those around them. You have to learn to deal with this.
Conclusion: True love knows no age
Whether you are 2, 10, or 20 years older or younger, true love knows no age and no boundaries. Your feelings and commonalities are much more important than the age difference. Besides, they say that the longer couples are together, the more the age difference fades away.
