Ghosting - 4 reasons and 6 tips if someone ghosts you
Ghosting is one of the worst ways to break up with someone. But why do people ghost others in the first place? And how can you deal with this inconsiderate way of ending a relationship?
What is ghosting?
In principle, ghosting is nothing new, but now there is a term for this nasty dating tactic. Ghosting means that your date simply breaks off contact and you never hear from them again. It's as if they have disappeared into thin air, and it feels as if the other person never existed. Ghosting is particularly widespread among younger people. Two-thirds of 18- to 24-year-olds say they have ghosted someone at some point.
For victims of ghosting, it often feels as if the ground has been pulled out from under their feet. They are left feeling sad and wondering, “What went wrong?” or “Is it my fault?” After grief and self-doubt comes anger, which must be brought under control. You have to learn to deal with the break in contact and often cannot change the situation; the problem is the ghost.
Why do people ghost? - The 4 most common reasons for ghosting
Ghosting happens for a variety of reasons. We have summarized the six most common motives for men and women:
1. Insecurity and lack of self-confidence
The simplest reason for this is clearly insecurity and a lack of self-confidence. Ghosting is easy to do. Just block the number, end the friendship on social media, and you're done. It's that quick to cut someone out of your life without having to face them. Why bother explaining to the other person why you've broken off contact?
2. Ghosting out of cowardice
In addition to a lack of self-confidence, ghosting often happens out of pure cowardice. You would think that if there is no interest, this would be communicated. Sometimes the chemistry just isn't right. No problem—that happens. But you should still give a brief explanation.
3. Fear of commitment can lead to ghosting
Another common reason for ghosting is fear of commitment. Out of fear that things are getting serious between the two of you, the person panics and abruptly ends the relationship. This has absolutely nothing to do with you, because only the person themselves can overcome their fear, and that takes a lot of time and work on themselves.
4. You were just a secret affair
Of course, there is also the possibility that you were just an affair. Their actual partner found out and gave them an ultimatum. This is obviously very painful, and before the ghost loses their actual relationship as well, they prefer to break off contact with you.
6 tips on how to best deal with ghosting
Ghosting is a really nasty dating trend that you should definitely not participate in. However, if you find yourself a victim of ghosting, these six tips can help:
1. Accept the situation
The biggest mistake you can make as a victim of ghosting is to chase after the perpetrator. Don't bombard them with messages, emails, and phone calls. Anyone who ghosts someone else doesn't deserve to be fought for.
2. Distract yourself
Sure, breaking off contact like this hurts at first, but life goes on. The best thing to do is distract yourself with something nice. How about a spontaneous weekend trip, for example? And when was the last time you treated yourself to a really nice spa day?
3. Write one last message
An elegant ending is always good for your ego—write a short but stylish final message to make a dignified exit.
4. Don't become a ghoster yourself
If other people are too cowardly to end the relationship appropriately, there's nothing you can do about it for now. But you can do better yourself! Treat others with respect and tell them honestly what you think and feel.
5. Gain new self-confidence
A sudden break in contact with someone who means a lot to you can severely damage your self-confidence. Don't let it get you down and realize that someone who just leaves you hanging doesn't deserve you anyway!
6. Don't unlearn how to trust
Ghosting always means a breach of trust. Someone has hurt you deeply, and that naturally leaves wounds. But don't forget: your next partner may really mean well and can't help your bad experience.
How to prevent sudden contact break-ups
Unfortunately, you can't completely prevent someone from suddenly breaking off contact with you. But if you keep a few simple things in mind when looking for a partner, you can easily prevent this nasty dating trend:
Don't raise false hopes and always remain clear and direct.
Are the first few meetings not going as you'd hoped? Stay noncommittal and don't let yourself get too emotionally involved before you get hurt.
Avoid standard phrases like “We should definitely do this again!” if you don't mean it anyway.
The date isn't for you? You just can't seem to find common ground? That's okay, just be honest and your date will appreciate it.
Conclusion: Honesty is the best policy
No one can prevent ghosting. However, everyone has the opportunity to take action and always express their feelings honestly and openly. How many dates have you been on? How many relationships have you entered into that didn't work out? You often don't find true love the first time around. Nevertheless, you should be fair to the other person and have the courage to say when it's just not right.
