Getting rejected: Reasons, signs, and how to deal with rejection

How do I deal with rejection? This question is not so easy to answer, because nobody likes to experience the feeling of rejection. Learn four typical reasons why some people get rejected time and time again, how to best deal with it, and how you can reject someone respectfully.

4 reasons why you get rejected

1. There is simply no interest

Everyone has experienced this situation at least once. You get to know each other, either online or in your free time, and the first impression is impressive. Not only that, but the texting is going great too. But then, over time, you realize that the chemistry just isn't right. Your personalities are too different, which isn't a bad thing, but further meetings are pointless, so it's better to pull the plug early on.

2. The man or woman of your dreams is already taken

You meet someone, are completely smitten, and your heart beats faster. You get along brilliantly and could talk for hours, so you take the plunge and ask them out on a date. The result: the woman or man of your dreams is unfortunately already taken and therefore off limits to you.

3. They work together—work and private life are kept separate

Separating work and private life is not always easy, especially when feelings are involved. But for many, this is a no-go, and despite mutual attraction, you get rejected because work is considered more important than a potential relationship.

4. They are not authentic

We all know how it is—when we first meet someone, we want to show ourselves in the best light and suppress our little flaws. But sooner or later, these flaws will come to light. If you are already pretending to be someone you are not, how will that work in a relationship?

How to handle rejection gracefully

1. Maintain your composure

Rejection always hurts, but it is not always understandable. Sometimes we simply cannot understand why the other person wants to break off contact. In this case, feel free to ask why. If things come up that you see differently, you can mention them, but don't try desperately to convince your acquaintance otherwise. It won't do you any good, and you'll be annoyed afterwards. Try to walk away from the situation with your head held high and look ahead.

2. Don't question everything

The most important thing is not to take rejection personally. You know how it is: sometimes there's nothing wrong with the other person, but the spark just isn't there—you can't help your feelings. Please don't forget that when an acquaintance turns you down. And if there is something you could have done differently, just see it as an opportunity for the next acquaintance. Don't give up hope!

3. No self-pity

Being rejected always hurts, and sometimes it takes a while to get over an unhappy love affair. But don't hide away at home alone—meet up with your friends instead. Talking about your heartbreak will help you come to terms with the rejection and look ahead to the future.

How do I respectfully reject someone?

After one or more dates, the spark just isn't there? Then you should be fair and tell the other person. How can you respectfully reject someone? By being fair and expressing how you feel.

1. Be objective—keep it short and sweet

Of course, it's tempting to just let the contact fade away, but this is not good form when you're seriously looking for a partner. Ghosting is a no-go.

Write to your acquaintance if you realize that you cannot or do not want to develop feelings. Your counterpart also has a right to know that it is not them, but you.

Tip: Describe your feelings briefly and kindly. That is perfectly sufficient, because your counterpart does not want to know any more than that.

2. Tact

Being direct is very good and commendable, but a little tact doesn't hurt. Especially when it comes to hurting another person. If something specific bothers you, such as height, profession, or similar, then turn your statements into an “I message.”

For example, you can say, “I don't think we're right for each other,” “I'm looking for someone whose wishes and goals are more in line with mine,” or “I feel like this just isn't right for us.” These are very diplomatic statements that do not hurt the other person personally.

3. Don't raise false hopes

To put it bluntly: if you are sure, let your date know. It's absolutely fine, because finding the right partner is not something that can be decided on the fly. But you would want to know if the other person had already decided against you, wouldn't you?

How to use rejection as an opportunity

The right mindset is important: try to find the optimal balance between engagement and detachment from the outset. When looking for a partner, it is unfortunately often the case that the first messages sound very interesting, but the chemistry is not right at all when you meet for the first time.

1. Learn from your mistakes.

For example, if you rushed into dating too quickly, take more time next time.

2. Be self-critical.

Have you perhaps already noticed that it's not working out and are therefore pretending to be someone you're not?

3. It's not you

If the chemistry isn't right, it has nothing to do with you. Many people are simply not meant for each other. Your perfect match is still waiting for you—isn't that a nice feeling?

4. Be honest with your partner and yourself

This is the most important thing!

4 signs that you're being rejected

1. Radio silence

Unfortunately, this happens quite often. From one day to the next, your contact stops responding. After about two weeks of silence, you should consider the matter closed. It is highly likely that you will never hear from this person again. This is a clear case of ghosting. Try not to waste too much time thinking about this person! Simply not getting in touch is really bad form.

2. Your online contact never has time

People definitely tick differently when it comes to their need for time together. But if a single person keeps putting off the next date for weeks or is constantly booked up, then unfortunately their interest in you doesn't seem to be very great. If you're not sure, feel free to bring up the subject openly.

3. No warmth

Does your date remain distant and aloof over several meetings? Are they always in a hurry or curt on the phone? If these occurrences become frequent, this is a clear warning sign: unfortunately, your contact is not really interested in you.

4. Hesitation

If your date constantly postpones meetings, keeps you waiting, and seems very indecisive overall, it is perfectly legitimate to ask him at some point whether he is even interested in you. If you get no answer or only a very vague answer to this question, it is time to remove this single person from your list of candidates. After all, you are looking for a reliable partner.

Conclusion: Stay positive

Sometimes it just isn't meant to be. That doesn't mean it's your fault. The great thing is that we suggest several potential partners to you, and there's a very high probability that the right one is among them. Keep at it and find your dream partner.