Midlife Crisis in Men: Signs, Symptoms, and Opportunities
Everyone has heard the term “midlife crisis.” Most people associate this cliché with typical behaviors such as: looking for a significantly younger partner, compulsively changing one's appearance (because gray hair suddenly becomes a problem), taking up hobbies that one has never had any interest in before, and much more. But where does this 180-degree turn come from, and how does it affect the search for a partner or a relationship?
What is a midlife crisis? When does it begin?
A midlife crisis is a crisis that occurs between the ages of 40 and 50. A psychological state of uncertainty causes those affected to critically rethink their lives and feel uncertain about how they have lived their lives so far and how they should shape their future lives.
A midlife crisis is often associated with men. The midlife crisis in men is similar to menopause in women, although women can also experience a midlife crisis. For men, it usually begins at the peak of their lives: their careers, family planning, etc. are already complete or at their zenith. They often feel that from now on, things can only go downhill.
The fact is: the midlife crisis affects many men. However, it is important to separate the wheat from the chaff, because some are more affected by it, while others hardly notice it.
How long does a midlife crisis last?
Unfortunately, it is not possible to define exactly how long a midlife crisis lasts. Depending on the symptoms, complaints, and general satisfaction, a midlife crisis can last a few months or several years. A midlife crisis is a very individual issue and therefore requires special attention for those affected.
Why do men experience midlife crises more often than women?
Men's testosterone levels begin to decline after the age of 40, but only relatively slowly. Women, on the other hand, reach menopause at the age of 50 – meaning that the decline in female hormones occurs 10 years later than the decline in testosterone levels in men. For women, it comes all at once: irritability, emotionality, hot flashes, etc. Don't you recognize this from your mother, or perhaps from yourself?
Of course, this does not mean that menopause in women is equivalent to a midlife crisis. Rather, these are physical changes that occur later in women than in men. For women, a midlife crisis simply has completely different effects and is less of an existential threat than it is for men.
Don't worry, dear men, we don't want to lump everyone together! The cause of midlife rebellion varies in intensity depending on character and general satisfaction.
But even men come to the realization at 50 that their bodies are aging and they are being overtaken by younger colleagues: life consists only of routine, responsibilities, obligations, and a dormant relationship, and then there is the thought that half of life is already over. And there we have it again: hello last-minute panic.
The triggers for a midlife crisis
The main problem for men is a change in perception. They have already lived most of their lives, and questions such as “Is that it?” or “What do I still have ahead of me? I've already achieved all my goals” cause men to waver. The feeling that from now on it can only go downhill deepens and causes great uncertainty.
Until now, everything in life has revolved around the future: But what happens now that your career is over, your children are grown up, your house is paid off, and your wife has been by your side for years?
There is no specific point in time that says, “From now on, I'm having a midlife crisis!” However, there are physical and psychological triggers:
4 Physical reasons
Physical changes
Hormone levels change due to declining testosterone
Wrinkles become visible
Hair loss or gray hair
4 Psychological causes of a midlife crisis
Half of life is already over: the glass is half empty instead of half full.
Your own parents have become more frail.
There have already been deaths in the family that remind you of your age.
Will age limit you in the coming years?
How would you react to these changes? Most adults act like little children and rush recklessly into life: because now you have to prove to others and yourself that your 20s are not so long ago and that you can definitely still keep up.
7 typical symptoms that you are in the midst of a midlife crisis
1. Self-doubt
What do you see when you look around? Your colleague has had a meteoric career that you envy, your good friends have already paid off their houses, and you are still squatting with your family in a much too small apartment? Shouldn't you be in the same position, now that you have reached the middle of your life? If you ask yourself these questions frequently, this is a classic symptom of a midlife crisis. You feel like you can't live up to your own expectations, or you have that classic feeling of “I'm not good enough.”
2. Comparing yourself to others
One result of self-doubt is constantly comparing yourself to friends, family, or coworkers. Who has done better, has more, or has generally achieved more than you? Do you catch yourself doing this because you are constantly comparing yourself to others?
3. Dissatisfaction grows during a midlife crisis
Do you often feel like you are simply stuck? Nothing in your private life is good enough anymore, your wife or husband can no longer give you what they did a few years ago, or you simply long for more? The phase where you could change something is long gone for you, and then there's your job.
What happened to all the dreams you had in your early 20s? What you are doing professionally right now is definitely no longer enough for you.
4. Overwork
You feel like you're simply burned out. Everything drains your energy and you feel overwhelmed extremely quickly. Every extra hour at work just gets on your last nerve, and you don't get as much done as you did in your mid-20s? This realization is very frustrating and the fear of being replaced by someone younger increases significantly.
5. Fear
Are you afraid of getting older? People who are going through a midlife crisis are often afraid of getting older because they see their own parents becoming frail and weak. But fear of the future and changes in your personal and professional life is also a symptom of a midlife crisis. After all, you've been doing your job the same way for 20 years, so why should you change anything now when it's worked so well so far?
6. Powerlessness
That feeling of running but not being able to move forward is familiar to you, right? Not only are you helplessly at the mercy of events, but you also feel that you simply can't keep up anymore. “Am I too old for the job and will I be let go at the next opportunity?”
7. Pessimism
Everything is just going downhill and everything seems negative to you across the board. What can you still do, because professionally you haven't been among the top players for a long time, physically you are also declining, you have a small belly even though you haven't changed your eating habits, and somehow you can't remember many things as well as you used to.
People in a midlife crisis simply no longer feel that things could turn out for the better.
Behavior and feelings during a midlife crisis
What behaviors do women or men exhibit when they are in a midlife crisis?
Rebellion against constraints and restrictions.
Resignation from work.
Separation from a long-term partner.
Withdrawal from friends and family.
A significant increase in the thirst for adventure.
Breaking out of old roles and/or behavior patterns and adopting atypical behaviors.
New hobbies and interests that do not suit the person at all or were once a childhood dream.
A new partner who is often significantly younger and childless.
A new clothing style that is primarily geared towards appearing as modern and cool as possible: of course, a new sports car is a must.
Proving to oneself and others that one is young.
These behaviors often occur in combination with specific feelings. Men or women in a midlife crisis are often plagued by the following feelings:
Inner emptiness
Irritability
Dissatisfaction
Anger
Sadness
Fears about the future
Self-doubt
Insecurity
Am I in a midlife crisis? - The self-test
Are you still unsure whether you are in a midlife crisis? Then take our self-test.
Midlife crisis in men: what can women do?
First of all, let's ease the pressure: less than ten percent of all men experience an extreme midlife crisis – so ladies, you can breathe a sigh of relief. Of course, you still want to know what you can do to support your partner or future partner.
It's also important to note that it doesn't always have to be a crisis; it could also be a sign of change.
1. Talk about the midlife crisis
Men want to deal with their problems alone instead of talking about them, which is why they are more prone to depression.
Your task: Get him to talk. No one should have to deal with their problems alone when there is someone on the other side who wants to help and is willing to listen. It doesn't matter whether it's listening or providing support in other ways.
2. Compliment him
Men in midlife crisis are increasingly aware of physical changes. Be it declining performance, physical fitness, or the increasing number of gray hairs. Before he freaks out and falls into a youthful delusion of fitness, shopping, and dyeing his hair, you come into play.
Our tip: Give him more compliments and show him the beautiful sides of life—after all, most women find gray hair extremely attractive in a man.
3. Set common goals
A big problem for a man in midlife crisis is goals. Professional goals have been achieved, personal goals long ago—but what now? Men have trouble finding and defining new goals—and you can be part of that.
Your task: Find new goals for him together. Many men often regret not spending enough time with their children—that would be a great approach!
4. Accept your age
Men also slowly start to feel the pinch. Their flat stomachs seem to be getting rounder, their gray hairs are outnumbering their natural hair color, their wrinkles are getting deeper, and their overall fitness leaves something to be desired. Men often try to compensate for this by trying to feel younger. Whether it's through new clothes, a much younger girlfriend, or trading in the family car for a sports car.
Tip: If you find yourself in a similar phase of aging, instead of completely drifting away and doing things that don't suit you, you should talk about it openly and accept your age. It definitely has its advantages, you'll see!
Opportunities of a midlife crisis – could it possibly have some positive aspects?
As already mentioned, a midlife crisis is not necessarily a total crisis of meaning in every case. It can also be an opportunity to reorganize your life.
You can lead a contented and fulfilling life in the second half of your life.
The fact is: everything you have done so far seems to be becoming more difficult, or the desired and familiar effects are no longer occurring. Your usual satisfaction is no longer there.
To find meaning and fulfillment again, you are now developing new ideas and strategies—on the one hand, you are changing your life the way you have always thought about doing, and on the other hand, you are starting the second half of your life feeling stronger and more positive.
That can't be all there is, can it?
The key to your own satisfaction is actually very simple. Here's how you can proceed:
What is your current situation? Write down everything and what it triggers in you. (Physical, relationship, general)
Find out what you can or want to change for your personal and satisfying future. (What can be changed in everyday life? What can you change in the short to medium term?)
What does a meaningful life look like for you? Sit down with your partner and think about it together.
The positive thing is that a midlife crisis gives you the chance to recognize what is really important to you in life. This allows you to banish unimportant things from your life, set new priorities that mean more to you, and emerge from this crisis of meaning stronger, more mature, and happier.
