Do singles in Germany have too high expectations of a new relationship?
As we get older, our expectations of a new partner increase. But how realistic are these expectations, and could they even stand in the way of finding new love?
Hamburg, June 3, 2023. There are currently around 23 million singles in Germany—and the trend is rising. Why is it that more and more Germans who are looking for a new relationship simply cannot find the right person?
Do singles who are looking for love today have too high expectations of a new partner? According to a recent survey of 1,334 singles conducted by LemonSwan GmbH, many agree that their expectations have risen over the course of their lives and at the same time feel that their partner's expectations are unrealistic.
However, there is disagreement about who has higher expectations. Men say it is women (43 percent), while women say it is men (32 percent). The majority (54 percent), however, believe that the level of expectations depends on the individual.
More than half of all single women consider their own expectations to be above average.
People looking for a relationship are well aware that they have higher expectations. Only 6 percent of single men and 4 percent of single women would describe their own expectations as “low” or “rather low.”
More than half of women (58 percent) even say that their expectations are “rather high” or “very high.” Among men, however, the figure is significantly lower at 37 percent. The rest of the respondents rated their expectations as average.
In addition, people's own assessment of their standards for finding a partner increases with age. While 44 percent of 20- to 35-year-olds rate their needs as above average, more than half (52 percent) of those in the 65+ age group do so.
One might assume that singles lower their own expectations the longer they have been searching, but the survey revealed that singles in Germany remain true to their expectations, regardless of how long they have been looking for a new partner.
Unrealistic expectations are most common in terms of appearance, income, and age.
When asked in which areas unrealistic expectations are most common, appearance comes out on top by a wide margin. 78 percent of women and 74 percent of men believe that unrealistic expectations are placed on them in this regard. However, unrealistic expectations regarding appearance decrease somewhat with age. While 82 percent of 20- to 35-year-olds believe that unrealistic expectations are placed on them in terms of appearance, only 70 percent of singles over the age of 55 feel this way.
Appearance is followed by income. Here, however, there are greater differences between the sexes. While 52 percent of men feel that unrealistic demands are placed on them in terms of income when looking for a partner, only 44 percent of women say the same.
Age comes in third place. As might be expected, the requirements for the age of a new partner that are perceived as unrealistic increase with age. While only 20 percent of 20- to 35-year-olds feel that the requirements for their age are too high, almost half (44 percent) of those aged 55 and over feel this way.
The results regarding perceived expectations also correspond to the desires that singles themselves have for their next partner.
For 70 percent of singles, appearance is “rather important” or “very important.” Among single men, the figure is slightly higher at 72 percent than among women (67 percent). Only one percent consider appearance to be “unimportant.”
Our expectations change over the course of our lives – especially for women
Only 18 percent of the singles surveyed say that their expectations have not changed over the course of their lives. Among female singles in particular, expectations of a new partner have increased over time (40 percent). Among men, the figure is slightly lower at 28 percent.
“With the experience of perhaps one or two previous relationships, you learn what you want and what you no longer want. This automatically raises your expectations of a new partnership. At LemonSwan, we place particular emphasis on questioning yourself about what you really need in the process of finding a partner. Or even what you don't actually need, so that you don't stand in your own way when looking for a new partnership.” According to Sabine Scholer, CEO of LemonSwan.
High expectations are seen as positive when looking for a partner
Interestingly, the singles surveyed who say that their expectations have increased over the years rate their chances of finding someone in the near future as by far the best. Conversely, singles whose requirements have decreased over the course of their lives say that they consider their chances of finding the right person soon to be rather poor.
High standards therefore do not seem to diminish the perceived chances of success. Some have lowered their standards in recent years and are still not optimistic about meeting someone new. Others feel that having higher standards gives them a better chance of finding new love.
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Methodology:
Online survey of 1,443 users over the age of 18 on the platform between February 17 and 28, 2023. 53 percent of respondents were men, 46 percent were women, and 1 percent were diverse.
About LemonSwan
LemonSwan is a dating agency for long-term relationships that aims to make online dating more enjoyable, especially for women. Founded in 2017 by Arne Kahlke and Paul Uhlig and based in Hamburg, the company uses a scientifically based personality test, the LemonSwan® method, to provide tailor-made
partner suggestions. The trademark of the young company is the swan—because these animals are faithful to their partners for life. For more information, visit www.lemonswan.de.
LemonSwan press team:
