63 years together and still happy – tips for eternal love
What is the secret to eternal love? How does love last? The Kaisers look back on 63 years together, 7 children, 20 grandchildren, and soon 9 great-grandchildren. It's time to pause and share their happiness with others.
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Kaiser, you prove that eternal love can work. Why can't younger couples manage this and often separate?
It is not resolutions but principles that are necessary for a long and happy partnership. Has the foundation for a sustainable partnership been laid by a couple? In the best case, partnership and marriage mean growing together for life. It is up to each person to promote what serves this growing together and to resist what hinders or even destroys it. In growing together, two “I”s become one “we.” Where there is no growing together, separation is inevitable.
Looking back, would you do anything differently?
We would draw up, study, internalize, and develop the blueprint for our marriage even more thoroughly, responsibly, and realistically—avoiding all the wrong advice.
What mistakes can couples avoid?
Don't overestimate yourself, don't overburden yourself, don't try to educate your partner. Don't see your partner as a saint. Instead, recognize and accept his or her uniqueness. Don't view your partner as your property, but as someone entrusted to you in a marriage or partnership. Anyone who represses or ignores this must expect consequences...
Do you ever argue despite having a happy marriage?
Yes! I'm not an angel, and neither is my wife. Growing together always involves growing pains. Everyone runs the risk of placing themselves above their partner. Excessive selfishness robs your partner of their identity. A healthy relationship requires a constructive culture of conflict, which must be learned with care. Neither of us has mastered this yet ;) But we are practicing mutual respect.
63 years – what is your secret to eternal love? What advice would you give to every couple?
We are still on the journey, not at the destination. It means continuing to remain vigilant and critical together. Because there will always be divisive elements that do not lose their impact. “I love you” is a good promise that you can quickly make to each other. However, this promise must be kept every day, and each person is ultimately responsible for this. Your own selfishness must never come at the expense of the other person. Relationships often fail because of this.
Seven children: there was always a lot going on.
Each child was both a gift and a responsibility for us. They made us fathers and mothers and brought us closer together. Children should never suffer because of their parents. The phases of puberty and separation were often painful for both children and parents. During this time, we always remained within earshot and sight of each other. They gave us 20 grandchildren and 8 great-grandchildren—the ninth is already on the way. We shared and continue to share in the joys and sorrows of our children, children-in-law, and grandchildren. We help where we can. For us, this is a great gift for which we are always grateful.
What advice would you give to young singles who want to find a partner?
Be clear about what you want from a relationship. What are your goals?
What can a relationship offer you, and what can't it offer you?
What do I bring to a relationship, and what new things can I contribute?
Can I become the person I am meant to be in this relationship?
For those who want to make a firm commitment:
This is the most important decision of your life.
Initial difficulties are like 10 kilos of salt that must be eaten together in equal portions.
Do we want to have children? How important will our future family be in my life?
After proper preparation, step onto the runway of your life together and get off to a good start. If the beginning is good and right, so will be the end.
If possible, take all the good experiences from your parents' marriage with you.
Always be attentive and care for the growth of the “you.” Be aware that you must never lose sight of the other person.
If I have a euro, my partner also has a euro, because two “I”s become a “we.” This is where trust, which must always grow in a partnership, proves its worth. But don't overestimate material values!
For those who want to become parents:
Be prepared to accept motherhood or fatherhood and support your partner with all your heart and soul. Create the space and time for this for each partner.
Yes, that's part of it too:
Reality: Everyone gets hurt in a relationship as they grow together, and the other person is “to blame.” That means wounds are inevitable. Never act according to the motto: “It's my husband's or wife's fault.” Everyone should be a doctor they can trust for each other's wounds.
Learn to understand each other's body language so you can respond appropriately.
Bringing your own sexuality into the relationship is also part of growing together in body, mind, and soul.
Our hands are not only for working, building, protecting, carrying, and defending, but also for a special gift: blessing your (marital) partner. As a pastor, I know that blessing works wonders. Practicing forgiveness is the highest art of love.
A word of wise advice from both of us to conclude
In a partnership or marriage, you are never finished. It must remain a shared desire and will to complete it with God's help in the presence of parents, children, and grandchildren.
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Kaiser, you have obviously always worked on yourselves and your relationship and have grown together—even through challenges. You are a wonderful and realistic role model for all those who are still searching for their great love and believe in eternal love.
