Relationships on equal footing: These 6 tips will help you succeed

A relationship between equals—at first glance, this sounds like something everyone wants in a serious partnership. But what exactly characterizes equality? What factors contribute to a relationship growing in a sustainable and healthy way, and how can I create space in the partnership where both people feel valued and happy?

What exactly does “eye level” mean in a relationship?

We often use the term “eye level” in everyday conversation without really thinking about what we mean by it. This dynamic between people can be encountered in many areas of life. Whether at work, when talking to colleagues, in discussions with friends during game night, or in a relationship—we want to be taken seriously by those around us, and we want our feelings and opinions to be respected and valued. We strive to feel equal and on equal footing in the presence of others. All these values are basic prerequisites for a relationship to function in the long term and on a healthy basis. How equal a relationship is has a significant influence on many factors, such as love life and mental health, and can also cause or prevent many conflicts.

What characterizes a relationship between equals?

1. Intellectual

Anyone who feels that they cannot keep up with certain topics of conversation in a relationship runs the risk of feeling intellectually inferior. Of course, there are differences in knowledge in various areas in every relationship. This is not necessarily a negative thing, but rather an enrichment that both parties can grow from. The important thing is how your partner makes you feel. Do they constantly rub it in your face that they know more than you, or are they interested in exchanging ideas and discussing different perspectives with you?

2. A relationship between equals is characterized by emotions

When it comes to emotions, serious differences can quickly lead to a power imbalance. This is less about the emotional state itself and more about how it is dealt with. Taking the other person's feelings seriously and not putting your own needs and desires above theirs is essential for a relationship between equals.

3. Social status

When we think of a relationship between equals, we often refer primarily to financial status or social status. For example, what job our partner has, how much money they earn, or how they are regarded in society. In reality, however, these factors tend to play a role more on the outside. What is much more important is how these factors are dealt with within the relationship. How much importance do you attach to your job or that of your partner? Do you respect and recognize the effort or passion that your partner invests in their job?

4. A relationship between equals is communicative

Communication is also crucial in a relationship between equals. Nothing causes as many misunderstandings and conflicts as communication between people. Those who know how to communicate properly are spared a lot of trouble. In a relationship, polite, respectful, and non-violent communication should be the basis of every conversation.

5. Distribution of tasks

Traditional role distributions simply no longer work in today's world, as “gender-specific” role models have shifted. Men are no longer primarily responsible for earning money, and women are no longer solely responsible for children and the household. In most cases, both partners work, yet women still take on the majority of housework and childcare in many households. The more balanced and equal this distribution of tasks is, the less conflict is inevitable.

6 tips for a relationship on equal footing

1. Work on yourself

When we spend a lot of time with people who are close to our hearts, we tend to notice a lot of little things that seem to bother us. Maybe it's their untidy nature, or we get annoyed again that it takes so long for them to reply to our text messages. Being able to express criticism should be possible in any relationship, but often our annoyance about certain things says much more about ourselves than about the other person. So it's worth taking a step back from time to time, looking inward, reflecting, and possibly working on your own dissatisfactions.

2. Listen

“Talking is silver, listening is gold.” Okay, that's not actually how the saying goes, but it fits! If you just listen (really listen) to the other person from time to time, you can learn a lot about them and have the opportunity to meet them on a different level of understanding.

3. Don't make comparisons

Unfortunately, we compare ourselves or our partners to others far too often. In the worst case, we do this in front of the person concerned. Sometimes these comparisons are very obvious, but often they are expressed in a much more subtle way. If you constantly feel like you're being compared to others, or that you have to prove yourself or keep up, you can quickly start to feel like you're not good enough.

4. Support each other

An attentive way to show someone that you respect them and value their time is to take the time to support them in things that are important to them. For example, you can express your sincere interest by offering to help with a project, providing relief during stressful times, or simply showing emotional involvement.

5. Be mindful of each other's feelings

“Your feelings and thoughts are important and valid. Your concerns or suffering are just as important as mine, even if I can't always understand them. Your well-being is important to me and I want to actively contribute to strengthening it.”

6. Don't take things for granted

In relationships, it can quickly happen that certain roles or tasks are distributed as a matter of course. It's clear that we take on very different tasks in everyday life, and in most cases, we simply get involved in the areas we're good at. However, it's important that we don't take things for granted and that we discuss, redistribute, or question areas of responsibility from time to time.

A relationship of equals is not rocket science

Maintaining a relationship in which both partners feel equal and important is not rocket science. However, both parties must be willing to work constantly on the partnership, communicate regularly about their wishes and needs, and seriously question structures or roles within the relationship.