Gaslighting in relationships: signs, effects, and tips for coping
Gaslighting—have you ever heard of this nasty relationship tactic? Or perhaps you've experienced it yourself? If not, then you've been spared a lot. Read on to find out exactly what gaslighting is, what effects this behavior has on relationships, what the typical signs are, and how you can defend yourself against it.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic used by people to make others question their own perception of reality.
The term comes from the theater and describes the use of lighting to change the appearance of a person or object. In an emotional sense, gaslighting means that someone causes others to question their own thoughts and feelings by constantly contradicting them, denying them, or convincing them that they are crazy.
Gaslighting can occur in relationships, in the workplace, and even in political contexts.
In relationships, for example, it can be a person who questions their partner's perception of their behavior by denying that certain events have taken place or by convincing their partner that they are paranoid and overreacting.
What effects does gaslighting have on a relationship?
Gaslighting in a relationship often has traumatic effects on the person affected. It starts with them losing their self-confidence and self-efficacy and can ultimately lead to depression and anxiety.
In addition, those affected begin to question their own perception of reality. They feel insecure and can no longer properly classify their thoughts and feelings. This not only damages their relationship, but above all themselves.
In some cases, gaslighting also leads to the manipulative partner isolating the “victim” from their social environment bit by bit, creating a toxic dependency.
To avoid further damage, it is important to react quickly to gaslighting in a relationship and, if in doubt, to end such a toxic love affair. Read on to learn how to recognize and avoid gaslighting.
9 signs that you are a victim of gaslighting
Is my partner gaslighting me? These signs suggest so:
He or she denies having said or done certain things, even though you witnessed them.
The manipulative person tries to make you question your own perception of reality.
You are blamed for all the problems in the relationship.
You increasingly ignore your own thoughts and feelings.
Your partner often makes you feel guilty or even threatens you.
Instead of supporting you, he or she repeatedly points out your mistakes and weaknesses.
You begin to question your intelligence and mental health.
When you try to talk about it, he/she quickly changes the subject and in the end, you are to blame again.
He/she tries to influence and control your relationships with other people.
It is important to note that these signs are not always a clear indication of gaslighting, and that every relationship is different.
What can I do about gaslighting? 7 tips
You can't prevent yourself from encountering people who treat you badly or try to gaslight you. But with these 7 tips, you can actively defend yourself against it:
1. Trust your intuition
If you feel that something is wrong or that someone is questioning your perception of reality, trust your intuition and don't let yourself be unsettled.
2. Seek support
Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. An impartial person can help you view the situation objectively and help you find a way out.
3. Communicate clearly and directly
Avoid communicating indirectly or vaguely. Be clear and direct when expressing your thoughts and feelings to avoid misunderstandings.
4. Set boundaries
Learn to set your own boundaries and enforce them. This can help prevent further manipulation.
5. Learn to say “no”
Learn to say “no” when you feel that someone is trying to manipulate you or question your perception of reality.
6. Get an independent opinion
Ask an impartial person how they see the situation to get a different perspective.
7. Leave the relationship if necessary
In some cases, it may be necessary to end a relationship if the gaslighting behavior continues and you do not feel safe. It is important.
