The phenomenon of being perpetually single—why can't I find a partner?
Attractive, intelligent, but still permanently single? Then you're like many others! There are currently around 16.79 million singles living in Germany. But when does someone actually qualify as a long-term single? And why are so many Germans still single after so long? Read on to find out the 10 most common reasons for remaining single, helpful tips on how to successfully find a partner, and why online dating agencies offer a real opportunity for long-term singles in particular.
When does one become a permanent single?
Have you been single for almost two years now, and your Prince Charming is still nowhere in sight? Even if your single life may seem like an eternity, you are still far from being a permanent single by definition. This term is generally only used when a person has not been in a committed relationship for 10 or more years.
Interesting to know: There are also big differences when comparing singles across Germany:
Most permanent singles live in Bavaria. Here, people are single for an average of 6.4 years before finding a new partner. Bremen and Lower Saxony follow.
In Saarland and Saxony-Anhalt, on the other hand, people find partners the fastest, with an average of 4.6 years. In Berlin, people find new partners quickly, but 36% of the population is single, more than anywhere else in Germany.
Why am I still single? - 10 reasons
Why am I still single? Why can't I find a man? Have you often asked yourself these questions? Of course, the reasons for this can vary greatly and be very individual. Nevertheless, there are some typical causes that can be found in most long-term singles:
1. Too high standards
Good looks, humor, athleticism, fondness for children, romanticism, and a good listener. The list of qualities that a future partner must have seems endless for some women.
However, these dream men are usually very difficult to find in reality. Many attractive people in particular have this problem, because those who have a lot to offer often have higher standards.
2. Social environment
Do you have a rather small circle of friends, only a few colleagues at work, and you're not a member of a sports club? Many long-term singles simply lack the social environment to meet their dream man.
3. No desire for a relationship
This is probably the most obvious reason for being permanently single. You go on dates, but somehow nothing ever comes of it. Maybe it's because you feel pressured by social conventions to finally have a steady partner at your age, but you don't really want one yourself?
4. Permanently single due to fear of commitment
People with commitment issues are afraid of relationships and steady commitments.
For them, closeness is not something beautiful, but rather something oppressive. Even if you long for it deep down, it often seems impossible for you to really commit to a serious relationship.
5. The “friend zone” type
Another reason for your never-ending single life: you're just too shy and too nice. You're a good listener and always helpful, but you're still never considered as a potential romantic partner.
The friend zone phenomenon is not only widespread among men, but also a common cause of eternal singlehood.
6. Feelings for your ex
Every new potential partner is compared to your ex. No man seems to measure up to him. As long as you are still attached to your old relationship or even still have feelings for your ex-partner, you will not be able to commit to a new relationship.
Make peace with the past and open yourself up to the future, because Mr. Right is surely waiting for you somewhere out there.
8. No dates
You complain that you're still single, but your last date was over a year ago? No wonder! Don't just rely on luck or fate! If you want to find the love of your life, you have to actively search for it.
9. Too hasty
In today's world, everything has to be fast and efficient. That may work for many other things in life, but love works differently. On the first date, he seems quite nice, but the spark isn't really there. When he asks for a second date, you decline because you don't want to waste your time with the wrong person.
You need to change this! If something doesn't seem perfect right away, we often close ourselves off immediately and don't take enough time to really get to know the other person.
10. Permanently single because your job comes first
“Successful at work, unlucky in love!” There's a reason this is a well-known saying. Many singles are so busy with their jobs and careers that they simply don't have time for a partner. It's important to set clear priorities here. What is really more important to you in the long term?
6 tips for finding a partner as a long-term single
We humans are simply not made to be alone. Even though many singles have no problem with being alone, most still want a partner by their side.
It's a vicious circle: the longer we are single, the more we begin to accept the situation and come to terms with our relationship status. The longer we are single, the more difficult it becomes to find a new partner. With these 6 tips, you can break the vicious circle and finally say goodbye to being a perpetual single.
1. Formulate your own wishes and requirements
Before you start looking for a partner, you should be aware of what exactly you want. For example, make a list of 5 points that are particularly important to you in your new relationship. With a clearly defined goal in mind, the search is usually much easier.
2. Learn to love yourself
Nowadays, self-love is often equated with selfishness or narcissism. But these are two completely different things. Self-love does not mean thinking you are better than others, but rather valuing yourself and being at peace with yourself. Even if we often don't want to admit it, only those who love themselves are able to love others.
3. Don't be afraid of getting hurt
Breakups can often be very painful. You feel hurt, disappointed, and your self-esteem suffers. Fear of these negative experiences causes many permanent singles to shy away from new relationships. Of course, there is always a risk of getting hurt when you get involved with another person. But if you don't give love a chance, you'll miss out on all the beautiful things a relationship has to offer.
Learn from your mistakes. Try to figure out what caused your breakup and do better in your next relationship!
4. Leave your comfort zone
Of course, as a permanent single, you don't have to approach just anyone on the street. But if you're looking for true love, you should take your happiness into your own hands rather than waiting for Mr. Right to show up at your doorstep. Say goodbye to the outdated stereotype that men have to make the first move.
5. Finding a partner as a long-term single: be patient
“I've been on three dates now and I still haven't found Mr. Right!” It's understandable that you'll get impatient at some point when searching for true love. But if you tense up and try too hard to find the right person, you'll only make it harder for yourself. Even though it's often difficult, love requires a lot of patience.
Especially important: Never forget to have fun. Love is beautiful and shouldn't be a struggle!
6. Don't resign yourself to the situation
“Actually, it's not so bad being alone!” “At least I don't have to share my food with anyone.” When we've been alone for a long time, we eventually start to come to terms with our single life. We convince ourselves of the advantages and increasingly forget how wonderful it can be to be in a committed relationship. This is a fatal mistake!
We humans are naturally relationship-seeking and not made for permanent solitude. So don't resign yourself to your relationship status, but question your desires and thoughts.
Online dating agencies – an opportunity for long-term singles
The longer we are single, the more difficult it seems to find a new partner. At work, you have a fixed team of colleagues, and even in your circle of friends, you rarely meet anyone new.
Online dating agencies are therefore a good opportunity for all long-term singles. They offer the chance to meet singles outside your existing circle of acquaintances.
Online dating is also a good opportunity for career-minded long-term singles to find a new partner without much effort. Through a process known as matching, you will only be shown profiles that match your personality, wishes, and requirements. Another advantage is that reputable dating agencies check their members. This means you can be sure that your new partner is just as interested in a committed relationship as you are.
Conclusion: Love is not a one-way street
So now you know that the search for a life partner is not a one-way street, but can quickly turn into a complicated odyssey with many detours.
And even if you get stuck in a long traffic jam and feel like you're not making any progress, always keep in mind: It's not because of you, your personality, or your appearance that you haven't found the right partner yet. Most of the time, it's just little things, silly habits, that make your search for your dream partner unnecessarily difficult.
Have the courage to give the search for a partner another chance. Leave the fears and disappointments of the past behind you and look to the future with a positive attitude.
