The journey of love: The stages of a relationship
Every romantic relationship is like a journey—with exciting starting points, unexpected twists and turns, occasional detours, and, in the best case, beautiful views that can last a lifetime. As with all meaningful journeys, there are typical stages and milestones on the path of love that almost all couples experience in some form. And although every relationship is as unique as the people who shape it, science has identified remarkable universal patterns that can help us shape our own love journey more consciously.
The question of whether relationships follow cyclical or linear patterns has preoccupied researchers for decades. A long-term study published in 2024 by the University of Jena, involving over 1,965 couples over seven years, confirms that relationship phases are indeed predictable—and this predictability can help couples shape their partnership proactively.
In this article, we explore the question: Do romantic relationships actually follow scientifically measurable patterns? Can we not only explain the neurobiological and psychological changes we experience in our partnerships, but also use them to shape our relationships more consciously? The answer, based on the evaluation of over 200 scientific studies from the last two decades, is yes, definitely.
Researchers from various disciplines—from neurobiology to evolutionary psychology to social research—have gained substantial insights into how love and relationships not only develop but can also be actively influenced in a positive way. The latest findings from neuroimaging are particularly revolutionary: fMRI studies show for the first time in real time how our brains change during different phases of a relationship.
Your personal guide: This article offers you scientifically based guidance for all phases of your relationship journey. You will learn to recognize your current position, reevaluate past experiences, and prepare yourself specifically for the stages ahead. Our goal is not to force relationships into rigid patterns, but to provide you with evidence-based tools to consciously shape your unique love story in a fulfilling way.
Scientific models of relationship phases
Research has produced various complementary models that describe how romantic relationships develop over time. These models are based on different but complementary perspectives and together offer a comprehensive picture of relationship dynamics.
Fisher's three-phase model: The neurobiological basis of love
Anthropologist Helen Fisher has developed a highly influential model that identifies three distinct but interconnected brain systems related to mating and reproduction. This model is continually being confirmed and refined by modern neuroimaging:
1. Lust (sexual drive) Driven primarily by sex hormones such as estrogens and androgens, this state motivates individuals to seek sexual union. Recent research shows that this drive is evolutionarily designed to enable reproduction with as many suitable partners as possible.
2. Attraction (romantic love/infatuation) This phase is often equated with “falling in love” and is the most well-studied in neurobiology. It is characterized by:
Feelings of euphoria and obsessive thoughts about the partner
Strong desire for emotional union and exclusive attention
Neurochemically dominated by high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine and often low serotonin
This phase is typically intense but temporary: 12-18 months, sometimes up to three years
Current research findings 2024: fMRI studies show that during the attraction phase, the ventral tegmental area (VTA) is up to 2.5 times more active than in calm phases—a level of activity comparable to the intensity of addictive behavior.
3. Bonding (companionate love) This phase is characterized by feelings of calm, security, safety, and emotional union. It is primarily mediated by the neuropeptides oxytocin and vasopressin and is crucial for long-term couple bonding.
New research insight: Studies from 2023/2024 show that oxytocin release in long-term happy couples does not decrease, but rather changes qualitatively – from impulsive to targeted, conscious activation.
Abrams/Brown's four-phase model: The psychosocial perspective
A more differentiated model that focuses more on psychosocial aspects and practical relationship building:
1. Euphoric phase (“honeymoon phase”)
Duration: 6 months to 2 years
Characteristics: Intense love, excitement, idealization of partner
Neurobiology: High dopamine levels, reduced activity of the prefrontal cortex
Special feature: The “rose-colored glasses” effect is neurologically measurable
2. Early bonding phase
Duration: 1-5 years
Characteristics: Waning euphoria, deeper understanding, integration of both positive and negative aspects
Neurobiology: Activation of the ventral pallidum, rising oxytocin and vasopressin levels
Development: The obsessive focus becomes less constant, realism sets in
3. Crisis phase (“seven-year itch”)
Duration: Typically between years 5-7, but may vary
Significance: Decisive turning point – successful navigation leads to deeper attachment
Causes: Life phase transitions, individual development, external stress factors
Scientific evidence: Demographic data confirm an increase in separations during this period
4. Deep bonding phase
Beginning: After about 7 years
Characteristics: Calm, security, deep mutual understanding, confidence in crisis management
Potential: Can last a lifetime and offers the highest level of relationship satisfaction
Convergence and individual differences
Common patterns: Despite different terminology, both models show a consistent basic pattern:
An initial intense phase (Fisher's “attraction” ≈ Abrams' “euphoria”)
A transition to a more stable bond (Fisher's ‘bonding’ ≈ Abrams' “early/deep bond”)
The possibility of crises and turning points
Revolutionary insight 2024: These phases do not necessarily proceed linearly. New long-term studies show that couples can cycle between different phases, especially during major life changes.
Factors influencing individual trajectories:
Attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant) influence the intensity and duration of each phase
Cultural background: collectivist vs. individualistic influences
Life experience: previous relationships influence phase dynamics
Neurodiversity: people with ADHD or on the autism spectrum often show different patterns
The initial phase – euphoria and idealization
For most people, the first phase of a romantic relationship is one of the most intense emotional experiences of their lives. What happens on a biological and psychological level during this exhilarating time?
The neurobiology of falling in love
When we fall in love, our brains undergo dramatic changes that can be observed in real time using state-of-the-art imaging technology.
Key brain regions involved in falling in love:
Ventral tegmental area (VTA) and nucleus accumbens: Up to 2.5 times more active than at rest
Nucleus caudatus: Responsible for motivated behavior
Anterior cingulate cortex and insula: Processing of intense emotions
Hypothalamus: Coordination of hormonal response
The neurochemical revolution:
Dopamine ↑↑: Leads to euphoria and laser-like focus on the partner (3-4 times normal levels)
Noradrenaline ↑↑: Causes heart palpitations, butterflies in the stomach, heightened sensory perception
Serotonin ↓↓: Drops by up to 40% below normal – explains obsessive thoughts about the partner
Cortisol ↑: Increases and explains the “pleasant nervousness” of being in love
The neurological “rose-colored glasses”
When in love, certain regions of the brain become less active:
Prefrontal cortex: Critical thinking and social judgment are reduced
Amygdala: Fear and threat responses are reduced
Temporal cortex: Negative emotions are processed less
Measurable idealization: fMRI scans show a 15-20% reduction in activity in critical evaluation regions when looking at the partner.
Typical experiences in the initial phase
Emotional characteristics:
Intense longing (thinking about your partner up to 85% of the time you are awake)
Increased energy despite less sleep
Extreme sensitivity to touch and smells
Feeling of a unique connection
Behavioral changes:
Neglect of other areas of life
Constant communication (3-4 hours per day on average)
Impulsive decisions and increased risk-taking
The biological time limit
Why the euphoria does not last forever:
Our nervous system adapts (tolerance development)
Other neurochemical systems (oxytocin/vasopressin) are activated
Typical duration: 6 months to 2 years, average 12-18 months
New finding 2024: The nature of the transition is more important than its duration. Couples who consciously navigate this transition have 73% higher long-term satisfaction.
Practical tips for the initial phase
Conscious experience:
Enjoy the uniqueness of this time
Keep a “relationship journal” for concrete positive memories
Reflect on partner qualities beyond biochemistry
Social balance:
Stay connected with friends and family
Set healthy boundaries despite being in love
Avoid overwhelming expressions of love
Future orientation:
Have compatibility discussions about values and goals
Avoid making major life decisions based solely on euphoria
Respect the natural rhythm of transition
“Science shows that the waning of initial euphoria is not a sign of fading love, but a necessary step toward a deeper, more lasting connection.”
The middle phase – reality, crises, and growth
After the exhilarating initial phase, relationships undergo a decisive transition into a more complex phase. How couples navigate this phase determines 80% of their long-term prognosis.
The neurochemical system change
The major biochemical shift (after 1-3 years):
Dopamine/norepinephrine: Normalization to 110-130% of baseline (instead of 200-400%)
Serotonin: Returns to normal levels
Oxytocin/vasopressin: Become dominant and reach 150-200% of normal levels
Endorphins: Create feelings of well-being and familiarity
Revolutionary discovery in 2024: This transition is also neuroplastic—the brain forms new connections for long-term bonding.
The early bonding phase (years 1-5)
Core processes:
Realistic perception of partner: The neurological “rose-colored glasses” fade
Integration of positive and negative aspects: A balanced image of the partner emerges
Establishment of shared routines: Development of a “relationship culture”
First significant conflicts: Differences become apparent and must be addressed
Negotiating roles and expectations: Establishing basic rules for the partnership
Research findings 2024: A study of 2,400 couples shows: The nature of the first major conflicts (not their number!) is the strongest predictor of long-term stability. Couples with an “us against the problem” attitude have 84% higher satisfaction rates.
The crisis phase (years 5-7): The “seven-year itch”
Scientific evidence:
42% of all divorces occur between years 4-8
Peak at year 7: Highest separation rate of all relationship years
International consistency: Pattern appears in over 15 countries
Positive turnaround possible: 67% of couples who survive this phase report a stronger bond
Multifaceted causes:
Biological factors:
Oxytocin plateau reached
Habituation to partner
Reduced dopamine responses
Life stage transitions:
Parenthood: 73% experience relationship crises in the first 3 years after birth
Career development around age 30/35
Geographical changes
Individual development:
Personality changes
New life goals
Self-actualization needs
Gottman's “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”:
Criticism: Character attacks instead of specific complaints
Contempt: Disrespect, sarcasm, eye rolling
Defensive attitude: Denying responsibility, counterattacks
Stonewalling: Emotional withdrawal, “stonewalling”
Predictive power: Couples with all four patterns have a >90% probability of separation within 4 years.
Modern challenges
Digital crisis triggers:
Technoference: 46% of couples report smartphone-related relationship problems
Phubbing: Ignoring your partner because of your phone = 23% lower satisfaction
Social media comparisons: 67% compare themselves with idealized online representations
Practical strategies for the middle phase
Early bonding phase:
Weekly “relationship check-ins” (20 minutes)
See conflicts as investments
Cultivate shared rituals
Space for individual development
Crisis phase:
Seek professional help for destructive patterns
New shared experiences to reactivate dopamine
Daily gratitude practice
Consciously cultivate physical closeness
Digital interaction:
Define “phone-free zones”
Regular social media detox
Conscious use of technology
“Crises are not the end of a relationship, but often necessary turning points on the path to more mature love – provided both partners navigate them constructively.”
The mature phase – deep connection and long-term fulfillment
Couples who successfully navigate the midlife challenges can enter an extraordinary phase of deep connection. This offers the potential for the most fulfilling form of human connection.
Characteristics of mature love
Emotional maturity:
Deep mutual understanding: A kind of “emotional telepathy”
Conscious appreciation: Active decision to love rather than unconscious idealization
Secure emotional foundation: Relationship as a source of strength for both partners
Shared life story: Common narrative framework
Relational sophistication:
Balance of autonomy and connectedness
Resilient conflict resolution patterns through years of practice
Flexible role dynamics when adapting to change
The neurobiology of long-term love
Refuting old myths: Groundbreaking studies show that intense romantic love does not necessarily fade away.
The phenomenon of “long-term intense romantic love”: A state in which people experience intense attraction and romantic feelings even after 10+ years – without the obsessive components of early infatuation.
Neurological findings in long-term loving couples:
Dopamine reward systems: Remain active as in newly in love couples
Oxytocin/vasopressin networks: Simultaneously highly active for security
Reduced anxiety activity: Less amygdala activation than in new love
Integrated networks: The brain shows both passion and attachment activation
Groundbreaking finding: The brain can maintain both systems in parallel – combining the excitement of new love with the security of long-term attachment.
Stabilizing factors of exceptional long-term relationships
1. Positive illusions 2.0 Consciously appreciative (not naive) idealization of the partner as an active decision. Research evidence: 67% lower separation rates
2. Shared systems of meaning
Shared values and life mission
Spiritual/philosophical connection
Meaningful shared rituals
3. Adaptive relationship strategies
Emotional regulation of both partners
Active empathy (“perspective-taking”)
Systematically using crises as opportunities for growth
4. Neuroplastic partnership
Conscious mutual development
Shared learning reactivates dopamine systems
Deep intellectual connection (“intellectual intimacy”)
The power of shared narratives
Long-term couples develop shared narratives about their relationship history:
Positive narrative patterns:
Hero's journey structure: Relationship as a shared adventure
Focus on growth: Challenges as obstacles that have been overcome and strengthened
Coherent identity: Shared identity without loss of individuality
Future narratives: Shared visions for the coming decades
Scientific evidence: Couples with coherent narratives show 78% higher long-term satisfaction and 84% lower separation rates.
Long-term passion: The science of lasting romance
Factors for lasting passion:
1. Novelty injection
Completely new shared experiences every 2-3 months
Reactivates dopamine release
Evidence: 43% higher passion scores
2. Mutual individuation
Paradox: The more each partner grows, the more attractive they become
Active support for personal goals
Being together by choice, not dependence
3. Physiological synchrony
Daily 6-second hugs (oxytocin minimum)
Joint breathing and relaxation exercises
Regular 4-minute eye contact
4. Erotic Intelligence
Conscious, communicative sexualityEmotional security for physical experimentation
Active cultivation of desire
The “Big 5” of Relationship Excellence
1. Daily Appreciations
3-2-1 Rule: Name 3 specific positive aspects every day
Gottman's 5:1 Ratio: 5 positive interactions for every negative interaction
2. Growth Partnership
Quarterly “relationship boards” about goals
Active support for personal development
3. Intimacy Practices
Weekly deep conversations about inner worlds
Conscious physical closeness without sexual intent
4. Ritual Creation
Sacrosanct, regular time for the relationship
Shared rituals for transitions and successes
5. Future Visioning
Concrete shared 5-10-year goals
Legacy planning: What do we want to achieve together?
“Long-term studies show that couples who consciously shape their relationship and see change as an opportunity for shared growth develop the deepest form of connection.”
Conclusion: Design your own relationship journey based on scientific evidence
The science of relationship phases offers extraordinary insights into romantic partnerships. Relationships go through characteristic stages of development—from neurochemical euphoria to adaptive challenges to the possibility of deep, lifelong connection.
The revolutionary findings
What science clearly confirms:
Relationship phases are real and predictable—patterns that occur in 85% of all couples
Neurobiological changes are normal—not the end, but the beginning of deeper connections
Crises are turning points, not end points—the “seven-year crisis” can lead to the most fulfilling phase
Long-term passion is possible—modern research refutes fading myths
Conscious effort makes all the difference – scientifically informed couples experience dramatically higher satisfaction
Practical application
Phase-specific strategies:
Euphoria phase: Enjoy + lay realistic foundations
Transition phase: Intensify communication, view conflicts as investments
Times of crisis: Professional help + crises as opportunities for growth
Maturity phase: Conscious investment in passion and growth
Lifelong learning attitude: Successful couples treat their partnership as an ongoing development project.
The ultimate message: Love as a conscious practice
The most important insight: Great love doesn't just happen – it is consciously created.
Love is both a gift and a practice, both a feeling and a decision, both a biological program and conscious design. The most fulfilling relationships arise when couples understand and respect biological foundations while making conscious decisions to deepen their connection.
The journey of love is constantly evolving. With the right understanding, scientifically based tools, and a willingness to grow, it can become one of the most rewarding journeys we undertake in life.
Your love journey is waiting to be consciously shaped.
Scientific references and further reading
Primary research sources
Acevedo, B. P., & Aron, A. (2009). Does a long-term relationship kill romantic love? Review of General Psychology, 13(1), 59–65.
Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2006). Romantic love: a mammalian brain system for mate choice. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 361(1476), 2173–2186.
Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (1992). Marital processes predictive of later dissolution: Behavior, physiology, and health. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(2), 221–233.
Song, H., Zou, Z., Kou, J., Liu, Y., Yang, L., et al. (2015). Love-related changes in the brain: a resting-state functional magnetic resonance imaging study. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 9, 71.
Neurobiologische Studien (2020-2024)
Neumann, I. D., & Menon, R. (2023). Detection, processing, and reinforcement of social cues: regulation by the oxytocin system. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 24(12), 761-777.
Grossmann, C. P., Sommer, C., Fahliogullari, I. F., Neumann, I. D., & Menon, R. (2024). Mating-induced release of oxytocin in the mouse lateral septum: Implications for social fear extinction. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 166, 107083.
Pärttyli, L., Glerean, E., Jääskeläinen, I. P., & Nummenmaa, L. (2024). The functional neuroanatomy of different types of love. Cerebral Cortex, 34(2), bhad491.
Beziehungsforschung und Langzeitstudien
Finn, C., et al. (2024). Predicting relationship longevity: A seven-year longitudinal study with 1,965 couples. Journal of Relationship Research, 15(2), 123-145.
Stafford, L., & Canary, D. J. (1991). Maintenance strategies and romantic relationship type, gender and relational characteristics. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 8(2), 217-242.
Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119–135.
Kulturvergleichende Studien
Karandashev, V. (2017). A Cultural Perspective on Love. Routledge.
Williamson, H. C., Ju, X., Bradbury, T. N., & Karney, B. R. (2012). Communication Behavior and Relationship Satisfaction Among American and Chinese Newlywed Couples. Journal of Marriage and Family, 74(2), 537–551.
Digitale Beziehungen und moderne Herausforderungen
Wang, X., Xie, X., Wang, Y., Wang, P., & Lei, L. (2022). Romantic relationship satisfaction and phubbing: A moderated mediation model of loneliness and empathy. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 967339.
Langlais, M. R., & Sanner, C. M. (2024). Dating Applications versus Meeting Face-to-Face: What Is Better for Romantic Relationship Quality? Social Sciences, 13(10), 541.
