Getting to know each other online and on a date: 35 tips and rules at a glance
The getting-to-know-you phase is an exciting time when emotions run high. But what are the best tips? How can you best interact with your date, both online and on your first date? Find out now.
Getting to know each other online: the first contact
Around one in four couples nowadays meet online. Only friends are responsible for bringing more couples together. Take these 4 tips to heart and getting to know each other online will be a success:
1. Be patient
Patience is particularly important when getting to know someone online. Not every single person is online 24/7 or has free time at the same times you are online.
If it takes a few hours or maybe even a day, don't be offended, but take the opportunity to ask what your counterpart does in their free time.
This will make it easier to start a conversation and at the same time help you understand why you don't get a reply every 5 minutes.
2. Don't rush things during the getting-to-know-you phase
We understand that you want to get started right away. And you should. But the question is how you go about it.
Most singles make these mistakes right at the beginning and scare off their potential dating partner. Our tip is therefore: stay relaxed during the getting-to-know-you phase.
3. Mistakes to avoid during the online getting-to-know-you phase
Men in particular tend to use the wrong tone during the getting-to-know-you phase.
Sending copy + paste messages. Most people see through this quickly and it never goes down well.
“Funny” pick-up lines that are simply inappropriate. Get to know your date and their sense of humor better before you go too far with cheeky remarks.
In your first message, just send a “Hey, how are you?” and try to let the other person do the work.
You want to switch to external messengers too quickly.
4. Tips that go down well during the online getting-to-know-you phase
Read the profile and write a personalized message. This will make you much more interesting.
Try to find common ground, such as hobbies.
Ask questions that you are genuinely interested in and that are important to you.
Conversely, tell them something about yourself and include small questions for your counterpart.
5 things to keep in mind on a first date
You've been texting each other for a while. You've discovered lots of topics to talk about and things you have in common—and you've even been flirting a little.
It's obvious: sooner or later, you'll meet up. But please remember: you're meeting someone who is a complete stranger to you.
1. Listen to your gut during the getting-to-know-you phase
Only agree to a date if you really have a good feeling about it.
2. Neutral location
We strongly advise against meeting at home on a first date. Meet in a public place—perhaps even one that is familiar to you, for example because you know the staff.
3. Make your own plans
Only let your date take you home if you feel really comfortable with them. If you are staying in a hotel because your online acquaintance lives further away, please book your hotel yourself.
4. Inform friends
Inform someone you trust in advance about your planned meeting. Ask them to call you after a while to confirm that everything is okay. Make sure your cell phone is charged and leave it switched on during the meeting.
5. Be yourself
Don't pretend to be someone else on your first date. To get the best possible first impression of each other, it's important to be honest and sincere. This also applies when getting to know each other beforehand through messaging. It's easy to be tempted to reveal more about yourself than you'd like or to present yourself differently because you're embarrassed about your own flaws.
The protection of anonymity can be misleading, so it's best to ask yourself beforehand: “Would I say this in person or not?” Don't let yourself be pressured into anything during the date. Speak up if something irritates or unsettles you.
10 general tips for the ideal getting-to-know-you phase
1. Stay relaxed
A relationship doesn't just fall into your lap. An intensive getting-to-know-you phase to really see if you're compatible simply takes time. So just stay relaxed and do what you feel like doing. If your date gets in touch to ask if you'd like to do something together, all the better.
2. Be careful with your expectations
Your new partner suggestion may be funny and a good writer, and seem to tick similarly to you—after a short time, you feel closely connected. Your imagination is running wild. We understand your euphoria; after all, you want a relationship. Nevertheless, be careful with overly high expectations. Wait until you've had a few phone calls and meetings with your new online acquaintance before you get your hopes up.
3. Fear of rejection
Have you been disappointed many times in the past and are afraid that it will happen again this time? Perhaps you find it difficult to accept affection from others in general? Talk about your doubts! Someone who is genuinely interested in you will understand and work with you to figure out how to overcome your insecurity. It would be a shame if old fears prevented you from embracing a new love.
4. Some topics are a no-go
Not every topic is appropriate right at the beginning of the getting-to-know-you phase. To avoid putting your foot in your mouth, it's best to avoid the following topics:
Children
Marriage
Financial security – how much does your date earn?
Ex-partners
Sexual preferences
These topics simply require a certain level of basic trust. If you haven't reached that point yet, it's best to refrain from discussing them for now.
5. Don't be an open book – make yourself interesting
If you reveal too much about yourself right from the start, you risk ending the getting-to-know-you phase prematurely.
Strike a balance between topics that lie in the past and topics that are important to you in the future. Signal that you are simply not ready to talk about certain topics yet and build mutual trust first. This will keep you interesting and signal that you have your principles and don't have to share everything at any cost.
6. Be attentive
Just as you want people to listen actively to you, you must do the same in return. However, this also means that you should not just talk about yourself and not let your date get a word in. Show interest, because after all, you want to know more about your potential partner, don't you?
7. Show initiative
Both women and men contribute equally to the development of the getting-to-know-you phase.
So don't always let your date take the next step. If you would like to see them again, simply say so and make suggestions for what you could do on your next date.
8. How often should you text (or see) each other during the getting-to-know-you phase?
Of course, this depends entirely on your own wishes and needs. However, there are a few basic rules to follow here as well.
Don't bombard your date with messages right after you first make contact.
After the first date, you should let it sink in and not immediately bother your date with messages and phone calls.
Don't wait too long after making initial contact—it can take 1 to 2 days for someone to respond. Waiting longer than 3 days comes across as rude and shows disinterest.
9. Patience
Men in particular find it difficult to remain patient during the getting-to-know-you phase. We can well understand that when you have butterflies in your stomach, you can't wait to get started.
However, experience shows that restraining yourself and simply remaining patient increases your chances of a potential relationship.
10. Control your feelings
Of course, you would love to burst with happiness, but beware of premature declarations of love.
Feelings can quickly overwhelm you. However, premature statements about wanting a relationship, marriage, or children can also quickly scare off your dating partner. Tip: Use compliments to give your feelings space and room to breathe.
Shy? 6 tips for a successful getting-to-know-you phase
Do you find it difficult to approach others? Are you very nervous when it comes to getting to know other people, especially when it comes to dating and you also like the person you're meeting? We all get nervous before a first date; a little heart palpitations and embarrassment are just part of it. Strong physical reactions such as trembling, blushing, or constant stammering are signs of pronounced shyness.
1. Create a comfortable situation
Make sure you feel comfortable when meeting in person. Choose a place you may already be familiar with. Think about what else you need to feel good: Do you prefer to be active or sit together?
Do you want to talk or would you rather talk less at first and visit an exhibition or a concert? Do you feel more comfortable in casual or elegant clothing?
2. Smiling helps
If you do have a mental block, try not to tense up too much. A smile not only relaxes you, but also your counterpart. Maybe your date has experienced similar situations? Laughing about it together helps.
Don't forget: you and your date are in the same boat. Some singles are just better at hiding their nervousness.
3. Be open and honest
Be open about your shyness. This comes across as likable and courageous at the same time and can prevent awkward situations. It also gives your date the opportunity to assess the situation.
Did you know, for example, that shyness is sometimes confused with arrogance or disinterest? This means that not everyone realizes that you are so quiet because you are embarrassed. Some people may take your taciturnity personally. So give yourself a push—talking about it helps.
4. Start talking during the getting-to-know-you phase
Studies show that most people don't remember what someone says, but how much they say. Not everything you say has to be perfectly thought out and sound particularly well-formulated. Always remember: other people are sometimes insecure too and say things that don't make much sense – so what?
5. Stay optimistic
Be patient during every phase of getting to know someone and don't blame yourself if the date wasn't a success.
See every meeting with a potential partner as valuable practice—until the right person comes along.
6. Get out of your comfort zone
In general, you can train yourself to overcome your shyness to a certain extent. Try to face your fears and consciously overcome your limitations.
Start with small exercises such as small talk. Take every opportunity for a “little chat,” as they say in Hamburg.
The first dates are over—how does the getting-to-know-you phase continue?
Your first dates were a complete success, but now you're slowly starting to wonder what happens next. If the butterflies in your stomach don't subside, then you can consider taking the next step into a relationship.
If, on the other hand, you're still a little unsure, just carry on as before. Arrange a second date, do something together, and get to know each other better. Keep doing this until you're both sure what you want and whether things are going in the right direction for both of you.
