Unable to form relationships? 7 causes & 6 tips to overcome the problem
I'm just incapable of having a relationship. Have you heard this or similar statements often? Do you perhaps even say this about yourself? What is behind the phenomenon of relationship incapacity? Are there really people who are incapable of forming a committed relationship? We explain and reveal the typical causes of relationship incapacity and how you can overcome it or what you can do if your partner is incapable of commitment.
The relationship-incapable generation – what does that mean?
People who frequently change partners and simply can't seem to find the right one are quickly labeled as relationship-incapable these days. But there are often much deeper causes behind this phenomenon. Fear of commitment or loss resulting from bad experiences in childhood or previous relationships are just some of the typical reasons.
However, the term “unable to form relationships” is quite controversial among experts. From a psychological point of view, no one is incapable of love. The need for affection and attachment is deeply rooted in us humans. So each and every one of us is capable of forming relationships. Some have simply forgotten how to do so or have other fears that overshadow this need.
When is someone considered incapable of relationships?
There is no clear definition of the term “incapable of relationships” that can be found in any dictionary. In general, however, we speak of an inability to form relationships when people are unable to maintain a long-term relationship, even though they actually want one very much. Those affected repeatedly enter into partnerships, but for a variety of reasons, these never last very long.
Particularly interesting: Inability to form attachments has nothing to do with gender. Men and women are equally affected.
7 signs that you are not capable of being in a relationship
Am I incapable of being in a relationship? These 7 characteristics indicate that you are not capable of commitment.
You have never had a long-term, stable relationship.
You prefer to avoid topics related to the future because they make you anxious.
Freedom is very important to you and you quickly feel restricted.
In a relationship, you exhibit contradictory behavior: sometimes you seek closeness, then you prefer to distance yourself again and don't get in touch for several days.
You have a strong desire for freedom and self-determination, even outside of a partnership.
A cat-and-mouse game: if he seeks closeness, you become afraid and withdraw, but if he distances himself, you feel a need for closeness again.
If you are honest with yourself, you often provoke arguments or look for problems where there are none, just to maintain a certain distance and prevent the relationship from becoming too harmonious.
Of course, these are only indications and do not necessarily mean that you are incapable of having a relationship. However, they give a good indication that you may have a problem with forming committed relationships.
Why am I unable to maintain a relationship? 7 common causes
In most cases, the reasons for being unable to maintain a relationship lie not with other people, but with ourselves. Formative experiences from childhood, previous relationships, or even our current circumstances can cause us to have problems committing to a partnership.
1. Low self-esteem
Low self-confidence can make us incapable of maintaining a relationship. We think that we are not worthy of being loved and that no one will ever fall in love with us anyway.
2. Social pressure promotes relationship problems
Society is changing and traditional role models are increasingly being pushed out of the picture – fortunately. But many singles still feel social pressure to find the perfect partner, get married, and start a family. Comments like “When are you going to bring someone home?” or “I was already married at your age” don't help.
3. FOMO – Fear of missing out
The fear of missing out – often referred to as FOMO (fear of missing out) – is particularly widespread among the younger generations. Those affected find it difficult to commit to a partner and enter into a long-term relationship. The thought is always in the back of their minds that there could be a better match out there waiting for them, which they will miss out on if they commit to the relationship now. This often ends in non-committal relationship models such as on-off relationships or friends with benefits.
4. Unable to form relationships due to fear of commitment
One of the most common causes of relationship insecurity is fear of commitment. This usually results from bad experiences in childhood or in previous relationships. For fear of being hurt, those affected find it very difficult to commit to a stable relationship. They prefer to put forward other supposed reasons and quickly end the relationship. In most cases, people with commitment issues are unable to maintain a long-term relationship.
5. Work comes first
Singles who put their job first quickly get cold feet when a relationship starts to get serious. Moving in together, getting married, or even planning a family always means changes for both partners. To avoid this, they prefer to break up before things get too serious. The result: constantly changing partnerships and the inability to maintain a long-term, serious relationship.
5. Too high expectations
Do you know exactly what your perfect partner should look like? Which character traits and interests are important to you, and above all, do you also have a long list of things that are absolute no-gos for you? Then the reason for your inability to maintain a relationship is obvious: you have too high expectations. As soon as you notice the first little quirks in your new acquaintance, you are single again faster than you can say “unable to maintain a relationship.”
6. Unable to commit due to fear of loss
People with fear of loss have a disproportionately high fear of being abandoned by their partner. To protect themselves from this, they often remain emotionally cold and do not allow themselves to feel anything real. This makes them incapable of a serious relationship.
7. You are too intellectual
Is he really right for me? Can I imagine a future with him? Do I want to start a family with this man? If you ask yourself these questions before even meeting him, then this is a clear sign that you are approaching things too intellectually. Get to know the person properly first before speculating about your future together. It's just dinner, not a wedding.
Overcoming relationship difficulties: These 6 tips will assist you
Admitting to yourself that you are currently unable to maintain a relationship is the first step in overcoming your inability to form attachments. These 6 tips will also assist you:
1. Identify the causes of your relationship difficulties
In order to successfully overcome your inability to form relationships, it is important that you not only admit to yourself that you are incapable of being in a relationship, but also listen to your inner voice and find out the reasons for this. Only when you have eliminated the causes will you be able to enter into a long-term partnership again.
2. Rethink your own expectations
Are the reasons for your inability to form relationships rooted in your own overly high expectations? It's high time to thoroughly rethink these. Are your ideas about a future partner really realistic? Or are you perhaps getting caught up in trivialities that are actually completely irrelevant? Listen to your inner voice and be honest with yourself.
3. Boost your self-confidence to be ready for a relationship again
There's a reason why they say that if you want to love someone else, you have to love yourself first. A healthy relationship requires healthy self-esteem. Is that your weak point? Then work on it to overcome your inability to commit. It can be helpful to become aware of your own strengths and positive qualities. Take a piece of paper and write down all the good things about yourself. And if you have writer's block, ask your family and friends. They're sure to have lots of great things to say about you.
4. Set your own priorities
Are you unable to maintain a relationship because your career comes first? Then admit this to yourself and don't put yourself under pressure. Maybe now is simply not the right time in your life for a committed relationship.
5. Take the plunge and start looking for a partner
If you always do what you already know how to do, you will always remain what you already are. If you want to change something about yourself and your inability to form relationships, then you have to leave your comfort zone, whether you like it or not. Take a chance on a new start when it comes to finding a partner. Online dating agencies are a good way to find the perfect partner.
6. Don't try to please anyone but yourself
Easier said than done, but try to free yourself from social pressure and the need to always please everyone. You should only try to please one person, and that is yourself. Think positively, because if you only have negative thoughts, you will find it very difficult to have positive experiences. Have fun and approach your search for a partner with optimism. Love should be something wonderful, not something that causes you stress and anxiety.
My partner is incapable of commitment. What can I do?
Are you in a relationship with someone who is incapable of commitment? Recognizing this is the first step in the right direction. Together, you will surely overcome this problem. Here are some things to keep in mind:
The problem is not with you, but with the person who is incapable of forming relationships. So don't try to change yourself and don't blame yourself, as this will not change anything.
Don't put pressure on your partner. This will only have the opposite effect.
As is often the case, communication is key. Talk to each other about everything that is on your mind.
Take care of yourself and your own well-being, and pull the ripcord early on if you notice that this relationship is destroying you.
Look for a solution together and don't hesitate to seek professional help.
Give your partner as much time as they need.
Conclusion: No one is incapable of relationships!
No one is incapable of being in a relationship from birth. However, there are many different reasons why you may have problems forming a committed relationship. The most important thing is to identify the causes of your relationship difficulties and overcome them. Even small changes in your behavior and attitude can have a big impact and help you finally find your dream partner.
