Showing your feelings—these 6 strategies will finally help you succeed
Do you find it difficult to show your feelings? Then you are like many other people. But why are we actually afraid to show our feelings? We explain and have 6 helpful strategies for you to help you show your feelings again, as well as the most important reasons why taking the step towards greater openness is definitely worthwhile.
6 reasons why showing your feelings is important
When it comes to feelings, everyone has their own unique way of expressing them. And that's a good thing! Because much more important than how you show your feelings is that you show them at all.
Here are 6 reasons why:
1. As a sign of trust
When we open up to someone, it makes us vulnerable. But by sharing our deepest thoughts with another person, we also show them that we trust them and want them in our lives. Viewed positively, showing your feelings is a huge sign of trust.
2. Showing feelings makes you likable
People who constantly suppress their feelings quickly come across as cold, aloof, and emotionless. But when we open up and show our weaknesses as well as our strengths, it makes us more approachable and, above all, more likable.
3. It creates closeness
Think about what connects you to your closest friends. Is it status symbols such as your salary, your job, your school qualifications, or the car you drive?
In most cases, it is interpersonal things such as your desires, feelings, preferences, and even fears that unite you with other people. Only when we are willing to allow ourselves to feel our emotions and share them with those around us can we build a real relationship with them.
4. Showing your feelings shows character
How can the person you're talking to appreciate and love your character if you shut yourself off from them? Whether positive or negative, emotions and feelings are a reflection of our character. Only when we allow ourselves to feel them can we show who we are, what we like, what we don't like, and what we stand for.
5. It's good for your health
If we suppress our feelings and don't show them to those around us, it becomes impossible to build deeper relationships with them. We appear unapproachable and isolate ourselves from our environment.
In the long run, this behavior can even make us ill! Constantly suppressing our feelings can lead to chronic headaches, stomach problems, tension, and other symptoms.
6. Hiding your feelings makes you seem arrogant
People who always act cool and never reveal their feelings often come across as insensitive ice blocks. And not only that: if you don't show your feelings to the person you're talking to, they have no choice but to guess how you're feeling. Not only is this totally exhausting and annoying, it also comes across as quite arrogant.
What do my feelings mean?
Many people think that showing feelings means opening up to others. But that's not true! In order to show others your feelings, you first have to be able to identify them yourself. “What exactly am I feeling?”
If you are not clear about what you are feeling, you will naturally have problems expressing your feelings to others.
These 4 steps can help you become aware of your feelings again: Do you already know exactly what you are feeling, but find it difficult to show it to those around you? Then you can skip this paragraph and move on to the next point.
1. Allow yourself to feel
In order to be able to name your feelings, the first step is to allow yourself to feel them in the first place. Whether unpleasant, beautiful, or frightening, acknowledge your emotions and don't try to repress them immediately.
2. Where does the feeling come from?
The second step is to consider where the feelings you are currently experiencing actually come from. Was a specific situation the trigger, or was it the result of thoughts that triggered this reaction in you?
3. What signals is your body sending?
To correctly classify and name your feelings, it is always helpful to pay attention to the signals your body is sending. What physical sensations are associated with your feelings? Do you have stomach pains, pressure in your chest, or perhaps that familiar lump in your throat that we so often feel when we are nervous?
4. Classify your feelings
Now, in the last step, try to classify your feelings. You can use the seven basic emotions as a guide. These include: anger, disgust, contempt, joy, sadness, fear, and surprise.
Which of these emotions comes closest to how you feel? Or is it perhaps a mixture of several feelings?
It may not be easy to identify your feelings correctly the first time, but the more you internalize these 4 steps, the easier it will become. Once again, practice makes perfect!
6 strategies for showing your feelings
It doesn't always have to be the classic first date situation. Even after years in a committed relationship, many people still find it difficult to openly show their feelings to their partner. But don't worry: showing your feelings is something you can learn. With these 6 strategies, it's not that difficult:
1 Use the right words instead of lots of words
You don't always need a lot of words to express your feelings! “I'm happy!”, “I'm angry!” or even “I love you!” Three little words are often enough to show how you feel.
2. Use facial expressions
“A look says more than a thousand words!” There really is something to this old saying. You can usually tell how most people are feeling just by looking at their faces. Use this to your advantage and show your feelings through your facial expressions. With a happy smile as a greeting, you say, “Hey, I'm so happy to see you!” and a sad look as you say goodbye reveals, “I enjoyed my time with you and look forward to seeing you again soon!”
3. Show your feelings with body language
If you're not a big talker, you can also show your feelings through your body language. A dismissive posture or crossed arms symbolize rejection or anger.
If, on the other hand, you want to show affection, simply give your counterpart a spontaneous hug or, if you don't dare to do that, just hold their hand. You'll see: even small gestures can have a big impact.
4. Give compliments
Especially when we haven't known someone for very long, we don't dare to express our feelings directly. It's easier for us to describe them indirectly, for example with compliments. Saying “you always make me laugh,” for example, expresses the same thing as saying “I like you!” directly, and saying “that dress looks really good on you!” is really no different from saying “I think you're really pretty!”
5. Give personal gifts
It sounds like wise advice from mom, but it's just the way it is: The best gifts aren't the ones that were expensive, but the ones that come from the heart.
Did she mention how much she likes cheesecake, for example? This is your chance! Fire up your oven and bring some along to your next date. You can also express your feelings without words with a handwritten letter or a homemade photo album from your last vacation together.
6. Show your feelings with small gestures
But it doesn't always have to be a gift when you want to show your feelings. Often it's the little things in life that make the difference.
Whether it's arriving on time for a meeting, holding the door open for her, offering her your jacket when it's cold, or letting her get off the bus first, behaving like a gentleman will never go out of style.
Showing feelings: the 5 character types
Every person is different and has their own unique way of expressing their feelings. Five basic character types can be defined:
1. The confident person scores with compliments
"You know what? I think you're really great!" Confident people have no problem simply expressing their feelings. They therefore like to show their affection through compliments.
However, you should always be careful not to come across as too confident. Otherwise, your bold manner could quickly make the other person feel insecure and your well-intentioned compliment may not be taken seriously.
2. The pragmatist shows helpfulness
You probably can't expect big emotions or a soulful declaration of love from a rational person. Their calm and reserved nature can quickly make them seem cold and unapproachable. But appearances can be deceiving. Even if the pragmatist doesn't believe in openly expressing their feelings, they still have their own unique way of showing their affection.
If they like you, they will show it by being extremely helpful and supportive. Or they may surprise you with a wonderful outing that they have planned just for the two of you.
3. The emotional person tends to make hasty declarations of love
While many people have trouble showing their feelings, emotional people are the exact opposite. They tend to show their feelings far too quickly. It is not uncommon for their counterpart to be overwhelmed by such a spontaneous outpouring of emotion.
Here, less is more. Start with a few simple compliments and definitely hold back on words like “love” and “relationship,” especially in the early stages of getting to know each other.
4. The shy person likes to give gifts
Introverts are quiet and reserved, which is why they often find it difficult to express their feelings out loud. But they are considered good listeners. They remember exactly what their fellow human beings tell them about their interests and preferences and then show their feelings and affection with a nice gift or other small tokens of appreciation.
5. The emotional novice sticks to his fellow human beings
Are feelings completely new territory for you? Then it's best to approach the matter cautiously. Try to interpret and assess the feelings of the person you are talking to. Are they clearly showing their interest? Great! Then you can reciprocate. However, if they are holding back, then you should also take cover and not rush into things. If you are unsure how much emotion to show, it is always helpful to simply follow the lead of those around you.
Why are we afraid to show our feelings?
If we have just been proposed to, promoted, or surprised with a wonderful gift, we usually have no problem openly showing our joy.
But who likes to cry in public or openly admit that they are afraid of something? Negative expressions of emotion are avoided at all costs in order to maintain a perfect facade. The fear of ridicule and rejection is too great.
Hiding feelings is often a form of self-protection
The fear of showing feelings is not innate. It is a behavior that is usually learned over the years and serves primarily as a form of self-protection.
As children, we are still naive and uncritical. We don't think about what others might think of us and openly show our feelings. We then learn from our parents which feelings we are allowed to show and which we are not. We are told that we must not cry when we are angry or in pain and that strong emotional outbursts are not welcome in public.
Negative experiences shape our behavior
Negative experiences also shape our behavior. Every time we are ridiculed by those around us, we withdraw a little more. Every time we are laughed at for being a crybaby, rejected, or loved ones turn their backs on us, we withdraw a little more.
For some people, this goes so far that they no longer have the courage to show their feelings and even hide positive emotions.
From this perspective, it seems understandable that so many people are afraid to show their feelings openly. But as you read in the first section, our human coexistence can only work if we allow ourselves to feel and share our emotions, whether positive or negative.
We have to take the risk of exclusion and contempt in order to benefit from all the positive aspects that showing our feelings brings.
Accept that you can never please everyone
There will always be people who stand in your way and are not satisfied with what you do. The important thing is to learn to overcome your own fears.
Stand by your feelings and show them openly, because feelings are what make us unique and irreplaceable!
