In love with someone else: reasons, tips, and approaches
Heart palpitations, butterflies in your stomach, and weak knees—but it's not your partner who's causing these feelings, it's someone else? You've fallen in love with someone else. Now you need to figure out whether this is just a little crush or if you're really head over heels. Falling in love with someone else isn't necessarily a bad thing. The important thing is to be fair to your partner so you don't get carried away.
If you really are head over heels, we have a few helpful tips on how to best deal with the situation.
Falling in love with someone else: these 5 reasons could be behind it
If you have fallen in love with someone else, it's time to investigate the causes. Because you don't just fall in love with another person for no reason; in most cases, there are issues in your own relationship that can lead to this. That's why it's important to listen to your inner voice—what exactly is the reason for this second love?
1. Dissatisfaction
Has your partner developed habits over the course of your relationship that you absolutely cannot stand? And now a new colleague comes along who is attractive, charming, and courteous—while your own partner is snoring on the couch when you come home from work. It's easy to fall in love with someone new and exciting.
2. Validation
Have you been with your partner for many years and your relationship has become routine? In such a situation, it is of course particularly exciting when a new person suddenly comes into your life who pays you a lot of attention, with whom you get on really well and who obviously finds you attractive. The validation you get from this person can quickly lead to emotional chaos.
3. High expectations
Often, we have certain expectations of a relationship and our partner that are not met. When this is the case, it can of course quickly happen that someone new appears on the scene and fulfills these expectations. It can quickly happen that this “new” person seems more interesting than the partner we already know inside and out.
4. Something is missing
During a long relationship, many people realize that something is missing. When a new person comes into their life, they may quickly get the feeling that this person can fill the “gap” in their existing relationship.
5. Reasons? Not always!
Of course, it can also happen that you are in a wonderful relationship where nothing is wrong. After all, it is possible to love two people at the same time. However, it is important to distinguish whether you are really in love or whether it is just a brief infatuation. In some cases, this can even make your existing relationship more exciting.
The important difference: love vs. infatuation
If you feel that you are well on your way to falling in love with someone else despite being in a relationship, it is important to think about your own feelings. Because not all love is the same—which is why you shouldn't rush into anything!
Love for your partner
When you first met your partner, you probably had butterflies in your stomach around the clock—we all feel that way at the beginning. This emotional roller coaster keeps you awake at night and makes your heart race whenever your partner is around. But over time, this feeling fades and turns into a deep, less exciting love. Slowly, you start to notice little quirks in your partner that you hadn't noticed before. But such deep love also brings with it trust and security, and over time you have experienced and overcome many things together.
The exciting new feeling when you fall in love with someone else
As mentioned, in the beginning, these feelings keep you awake at night and make you daydream during the day, but this should not be confused with love in a relationship. It's easy to fall in love quickly because it's new and exciting. However, this does not mean that it is necessary to act on these feelings. Often, a long-term relationship is more valuable than a short-term desire for another person. You should be aware of this.
Diagnosis: Falling in love with someone else. What can I do?
It's happened to you: you have a partner, but you've fallen in love with someone else. This is obviously a tricky situation, because you need to figure out whether this love is so strong that you want to replace your old love, or whether it's just a passing infatuation. But how do you do that?
1. Fallen in love with someone else? First, stay calm
The most important thing in this situation is to stay calm. You probably have a lot of thoughts and feelings going through your head and body right now. Above all, rose-colored glasses can influence clear thinking. That's why you should sit down and think about your situation very consciously. How serious is it really? Do you want to give up your old relationship or is this just a crush?
2. Talk to friends
If your emotions are running wild, it's a good idea to talk to your best friend, for example. The chaos of your feelings may be clouding your judgment. Someone who knows you well can point out things you may not have considered on your own. This will give you an even better perspective on the situation.
3. Talk to your partner or keep quiet?
Now it's up to you to decide: do you talk to your partner or keep quiet? If you have come to the conclusion that you don't want to continue your old relationship, you should talk to your partner as soon as possible. If you want to continue your relationship, it may even be advisable to keep your infatuation to yourself. Such a “confession” can very quickly create insecurity in your partner and possibly put unnecessary strain on your relationship.
Decision made: what happens next
After much thought and many discussions, you have made a decision that will most likely trigger emotional turmoil once again. Continuing the relationship means having to work on it. A breakup means a lot of uncertainty and new things. So what is the best way to proceed in these situations?
A You want to stay with your partner
1. Consider whether you want to tell your partner about your infatuation
If it was just a brief crush, you need to weigh up whether it makes sense to let your partner in on your feelings. Confessing could unsettle your partner and lead to problems in the relationship you have just decided to commit to. However, if your conscience is bothering you, it might be a good idea to talk about it. In general, it depends on how open you usually are in your relationship. Consult with friends to decide how you want to proceed.
2. Talk about your relationship
Even if you have decided not to tell your partner about your infatuation with someone else, it is time to have a conversation about your relationship. This is because your infatuation has most likely revealed shortcomings in your own relationship that you can now work on together.
3. Work together on your happiness
You and your partner are jointly responsible for a happy relationship. That's why now is the time to work on it together. Since you have now identified any problems together, you can both work on resolving them.
4. Keep your distance!
Now it is important to avoid your crush as much as possible to prevent further feelings from developing. If this is not possible, seek a conversation and tell the other person that you no longer want any contact.
B You have decided to break up
1. Don't rush into anything
Here, too, it is important not to rush into anything. Think carefully about this decision and be clear about whether a breakup is what you really want. Consult with a friend to get a better perspective on the situation.
2. Think about the future
If your new love is stronger than your old one, it's time to think about the future. Imagine your relationship with your new partner. Are there things that worry you? If so, it makes sense to take your time and reconsider your decision.
3. Avoid your ex-partner
You have made the final decision and broken up. Now it is important to let your ex-partner go their own way and focus on yourself. If you may have even lived together, there are many things to reorganize that require your full attention.
Conclusion: Falling in love with someone else is not a crime
Having a crush on someone else while you are in a relationship is completely normal and by no means a crime. However, it is up to you to decide how far this crush goes and how you deal with it. You are free to think what you want, but you should not rush into anything and, above all, you should not give up on a relationship just because you are experiencing something new and exciting for a short time. The most important thing in such a situation is to stay calm and act carefully. If it turns out to be something more serious, it is still important to remain fair to everyone involved. Listen to your heart and you will find your way.
