How do men fall in love? 4 triggers, 8 signals, and 10 tricks
We've always suspected it: feelings work differently for men than they do for women. But how? Read on to finally get the answer to one of humanity's greatest mysteries: how do men fall in love? And can women actually help the process along?
How do men fall in love? The 4 phases
For women, it is often a mystery how men fall in love. This is mainly because they base their assumptions on their own process of falling in love. According to psychological studies, most notably those by American couples therapist John Gray, women first look at a man's personality and character in phase 1 and then become emotionally involved with him in phase 2. Physical attraction only plays a role in phase 3, before a woman is finally ready for a relationship in phase 4. In contrast, the following four phases apply to the question “How do men fall in love?”:
Phase 1: Physical attraction
Evolution has programmed men to spread their genes as quickly as possible, so physical attraction is indeed the first decisive factor. In response to visual stimuli, the brain releases the hormones dopamine and norepinephrine, and the man is now highly interested. However, nature has also designed men to spread their genes as widely as possible in order to ensure their offspring. This means that men fall in love faster than women, but continue to keep their eyes open for other women.
Phase 2: Emotions
You get to know each other and, if everything fits, the man now experiences feelings that go beyond enthusiasm for outward appearances. At this stage, it is not yet love, but at least a feeling of infatuation. Bravo, you are on the right track!
How men fall in love in phase 3: Personality
Now it gets personal: Do you think alike? Do you laugh at the same things? What about your attitudes toward fidelity and plans for the future? Commonalities and preferences are compared. Can you literally “smell” each other, because the sound of a person's voice and their scent are also decisive factors in whether love can develop.
Phase 4: Desire for a relationship
The frequency of dates increases, and now the man reveals a little more about his life. The relationship becomes more committed. It's done. The man is in love and ready for a partnership. Happy ending and sunset included.
The good thing: Men fall in love faster!
Do you think men are often less emotional? Numerous studies show that it is ultimately women who tend to analyze situations and feelings too much and thus withdraw from budding relationships too early. Seen in this light, the process of men falling in love is more tolerant, and the four phases are more likely to lead to love than in women. However, love should not be confused with desire: this feeling often arises quite quickly, while both men and women need to get to know their partner better before they can fall in love and develop true love. And that is simply not possible in a few weeks. Despite all the theory, however, it can be said that regardless of who goes through the four phases first and utters the magical words “I love you,” what is important is that the feelings are sincere and long-lasting.
Is he in love? Recognize the 7 signs
Okay, you've made it through the four stages. You are now officially a couple. But women wouldn't be women if they could just relax and enjoy their happiness in love. Is he really in love? How can you tell? How does a man behave when he is in love? These 7 signs are a good indication, at least:
1. When he's in love, he only has eyes for you
You meet his gaze much more often than would be necessary for normal communication.
2. Men in love seek your closeness, even physically
From holding hands to brushing a strand of hair from your face: he doesn't miss an opportunity to touch you, even in everyday interactions.
3. Take a close look
Researchers claim that men in love often moisten their lips. A man's body language reveals a lot about his inner feelings.
4. A clear sign that he is in love: he gets in touch
Text messages, WhatsApp, phone calls, and everything else that connects us: he gets in touch on all channels. Often. He can't think of a better way to spend his time than with you.
5. He goes out of his way to be helpful
Suddenly, even someone who is totally useless at DIY can assemble a cupboard, and a late sleeper is able to pick you up from the airport at 6 a.m. No matter what, he is patient, open, and sincere with you. Your rose-colored glasses are now working in your favor.
6. He seems clumsy
Nervous fidgeting, searching for words: this man is not an idiot, his hormones are just running wild. They are driving him crazy. There you go!
7. If he is in love, he introduces you to friends or family
Yes, this man is serious! Now nothing stands in the way of joint activities or plans for the future.
Online or offline: How do men fall in love?
Couples therapist Alexandra Hartmann does not believe it is possible to love someone you only know from the internet. However, she does not consider falling in love to be unusual. In fact, the chances are particularly good. One disadvantage of looking for a partner on the internet is that when we meet someone in a bar, for example, we hear the sound of their voice and notice their scent, which is often more important than we think. “Online dating lacks a few sensory channels.”
However, considering what we have found out so far on the topic of “How do men fall in love?”, online dating offers one major advantage: appearance, which is important for men to even begin the process of falling in love, can certainly spark that initial spark through pictures. If there is also sympathy in the initial communication, there is a good chance that it will develop into something more.
New York social psychologist Katelyn McKenna found that internet relationships are more stable than other relationships. She concluded that people who look for a partner online are not fooled by appearances and take the time to really get to know the other person. McKenna's research also showed that people find it easier to express what they describe as their “true self” in email contact with strangers than in direct conversation.
How to make men fall in love? Here's how it works!
What woman hasn't asked herself: Can you make men fall in love? And if so, how on earth? We've now found out a few things about “how men fall in love” – and of course, we can derive a few tips from this to help love along – without the magic potion that every woman has probably wished for at some point. The following 10 strategies increase your chances of becoming the woman of his dreams for the man of your dreams. How can you win a man's heart? Our 10 tips.
1. Spend time together
Everything you experience together strengthens your bond. Plus, you get to know him better. It's not uncommon for couples to be good friends for a while before their friendship eventually turns into love.
2. Laughter connects
What movies does he like, what makes him laugh, and can you share his sense of humor? Laughing together increases the likelihood of falling in love.
3. Get closer to him
Casual physical contact when interacting with each other promotes the process of falling in love. Of course, be discreet and only when it feels right.
4. Want to make men fall in love? Smile, please!
No, you don't have to beam like a Cheshire cat all the time, but genuine smiles are contagious and evoke positive feelings.
5. Look me in the eyes
Maintain eye contact as often as possible. There's a reason why they say, “A look says more than a thousand words.”
6. Awaken his hunting instinct
As banal as it may seem, choose something from your wardrobe that you find attractive! Your positive charisma is then worth more than shoes that are two centimeters higher. It's not about model measurements, but about emphasizing your personal physical charms. And honestly, when you notice that he likes to look at you, you'll start to exude charm all on your own.
7. Give confirmation
Men like to feel that they are in control. Of course, in reality it's usually the other way around, but don't let him know that. Always make him feel that he has conquered you! And be generous. Men like praise. From holding the door open to helping you into your coat: if he does something you like, tell him. You can also ask him for help with one thing or another; men like to prove what they can do at this stage. It's a win-win situation.
8. Live your life
Don't forget what and who else is important to you, and tell him about it. Maintain balance and don't focus solely on him. Not only will this keep him interested because you are not always available, but it will also make you appear authentic and strong. Over time, this will hopefully stabilize the relationship.
9. Partners in crime
Take his side whenever you agree with him. This can mean agreeing with him in conversation and saying so clearly, but you can also verbally support his complaint about the “corky” wine, for example. This promotes a sense of togetherness before it even exists.
10. Show self-confidence to make men fall in love
Men appreciate straightforward communication. In addition, men are sometimes not entirely clear-headed when they are falling in love, so unambiguous messages help. Don't hint, say it out loud—the result will be more satisfying for both of you.
Did you know that studies have proven that feminine humor, joie de vivre, and healthy self-esteem are among the things men value most in a partner? So, despite all the hunting instinct theory, don't make yourself into a bunny.
Conclusion: How do men fall in love?
Men and women fall in love in four stages. However, the process is different for men. For them, physical attraction is the trigger, followed by feelings for the personality of the new acquaintance. Then they start to examine their similarities and their ideas about the future until the dating phase transitions into a relationship. Is a man in love? There are clear signs! Frequent eye contact, lots of touching, the desire to meet often, intense communication, great helpfulness, and growing commitment in their interactions. Men like to fall in love online. The initial contact via pictures and the opportunity to get in touch via email at their leisure suits the male process of falling in love. How to win a man's love:
Feel attractive. Men's receptiveness to visual stimuli is one thing—the other is your self-confidence, which will go down well.
Laugh a lot together, touch him with small gestures as if it were natural.
Don't neglect your life.
Let yourself be conquered, even if your heart has long been beating faster for him.
Want to test our theory? How do men fall in love? Put it to the test.
