How to Write a Great First Message

Starting a conversation with a new match can feel difficult, but a thoughtful first message significantly increases your chances of getting a response. Here are our top tips for engaging first messages:

Do the following:

• Refer to details from their profile: This shows that you're genuinely interested in them.

• Ask open-ended questions: These invite more in-depth answers, rather than just yes/no responses.

• Show your personality: Be authentic.

• Keep it short: 3–5 sentences are ideal for a first message.

• Be positive and open: Positivity is attractive and creates a good atmosphere.

Avoid the following:

• Generic greetings: "Hey" or "How are you?" Don't give the other person too much to ask.

• Overwhelm someone with too many questions: One or two thoughtful questions are enough.

• Only compliment their appearance: This comes across as superficial.

• Sending the same message to multiple people: Personalized messages are much more effective.

Avoid excessive flattery: Genuine interest is more appealing than over-the-top compliments.

Examples of conversation starters:

• "I saw that you enjoy hiking. Which trail have you enjoyed the most this year?"

• "Your taste in books is fascinating! What did you think of [the book mentioned in your profile]?"

• "Your trip to Japan intrigued me. What was the most unexpected thing you experienced there?"

• "We seem to have a shared interest in [hobby]. How did you get into it?"

Remember that the first message is simply about starting a conversation, not about determining your future together. Stay relaxed, be authentic, and focus on getting to know the other person better.