In love with the boss – tips and rules for relationships in the workplace
In love with your boss—now what? Falling for your supervisor is often a complicated matter. It happens much more often than you might think. 10% have even been in love with their boss at some point. Almost half of all Germans have had a relationship at work.
Learn about the most important advantages and disadvantages of a workplace relationship, how to find out if your boss reciprocates your feelings, and six rules that can help make love at work work.
In love with your boss: genuine feelings or just infatuation?
Do you think you've fallen in love with your boss? Before you panic, you should first take a close look at your feelings. Are you simply attracted to him because you've been working so closely together lately, or is there really more to your infatuation than that? These 5 questions will help you clarify things:
1. Do you find him attractive as a boss or as a person?
People in leadership roles have an appealing effect on many people. They embody self-confidence and authority, have a lot of responsibility, and always seem to know what to do. Of course, the fact that managers usually earn very good salaries should not be overlooked.
So be honest: would you have the same feelings for your boss if he had a lower position? Would you be just as smitten if he were “just” one of your colleagues or an employee at the coffee shop around the corner?
2. Do you know what your boss is like in private?
Many people behave very differently at work than they do in private. So before you think about confessing your love to your boss, you should be clear about whether you have only fallen in love with the person you work with every day. Or do you also like his private self? A quick chat at the coffee machine, a personal conversation during your lunch break, or even company parties are a good opportunity to get to know more about your boss's private side.
3. Can you imagine a future with him?
A relationship with your boss comes with a number of complications and should therefore be carefully considered beforehand. Take a moment to reflect: Do you just think he's great, or can you imagine still being with this man in five years' time? Only if you believe that the relationship could really last is it worth taking the next step.
4. Is he just a stopgap?
Are you fed up with being single and longing for some love and romance in your life again? The attractive boss who has had his eye on you for a long time is, of course, the perfect opportunity for a few romantic daydreams.
However, you should leave it at that. A relationship that only serves to fill a void in your life is doomed to failure from the outset.
Advantages and disadvantages of a workplace relationship
Working with your partner not only privately but also professionally has both advantages and disadvantages. We have summarized the most important ones for you:
In love with the boss: the advantages
Being in love with your boss definitely has its advantages. When you work together 30-40 hours a week, you inevitably get to know and appreciate each other quite well. For this reason, relationships that develop in the workplace tend to last significantly longer than acquaintances we make at parties or while traveling, for example. In addition, such couples usually have a greater understanding of their partner's professional issues and problems, and they can celebrate successes together more easily.
Another advantage is that people who work together spend a lot of time together. Discussions such as, “Honey, you work so much, we hardly see each other anymore...” are therefore not an issue in your relationship.
Disadvantages of a relationship with your boss
A relationship with your boss often causes a lot of gossip among colleagues. Even though most Germans generally have no problem with relationships in the workplace, 11% say: “For me, a relationship with my boss is an absolute no-go!” Gossip and accusations that you are only sleeping your way to the top or receiving preferential treatment are not uncommon.
Many couples who work together also find it difficult to separate their work and private lives. Relationship problems are brought to work and professional issues are discussed further at the dinner table in the evening.
In a relationship with your boss, the question always arises as to what will happen if you two break up at some point. Will you still be able to work together objectively, or will your private conflicts get in the way? Not only would this be bad for the working atmosphere, but in the worst case, it could even lead to dismissal.
Is my boss in love with me? 10 signs
You're sure: your feelings for your boss are more than just a little crush. Now, of course, the question arises: does he have feelings for you too? While a man's body language is not that easy to decipher even in normal situations, with your boss you have to be extra sensitive, for better or worse. These 10 signs can help:
1. You get special treatment
Have you ever observed how your boss treats your colleagues? Does he treat them the same way he treats you, or have you noticed any differences? Is your boss significantly friendlier toward you, more courteous, or even seems a little nervous when he talks to you? Then that's a clear sign that he has feelings for you too.
2. He organizes extra private meetings
Does your boss schedule a meeting with just you almost every day to discuss some minor issue that could easily have been clarified in a short email? Congratulations! He obviously really enjoys spending time with you.
3. Your boss often asks for your opinion
“Have you seen our new ad?” “What do you think of the sales figures for April?” Does your boss constantly come into your office to ask your opinion on rather trivial matters? Then that's a clear sign that he likes you and is using unimportant questions as an excuse to be near you.
4. He looks at you the whole time in meetings
You're in a meeting with 10 people, but your boss's eyes are only on you? There's a reason they say a look says more than a thousand words. And in this case, it clearly says: there are feelings involved here.
5. He pays more attention to his appearance
Has your boss been paying more attention to his appearance lately, perhaps with a new hairstyle or wearing a lot of perfume? Of course, there could be many other reasons for this change in appearance. However, when combined with other signs, it is definitely a signal that he likes you.
6. Your boss seeks physical contact
Physical contact with your boss? That's not something that happens very often in a normal office environment.
However, if you feel that your boss has been provoking physical contact more often lately, then this is a clear indication that he is also in love with you.
7. He responds to your attempts to flirt
The most obvious sign is, of course, when your boss responds to your attempts to flirt. If he returns your deep looks and compliments you, then the situation is clear.
But even if your attempts at flirting leave him cold, you don't have to be disheartened. Flirting in the workplace is not for everyone, and it is always a delicate matter for managers in particular to show their feelings openly.
It is better to try it in a relaxed location. An invitation to a beer after work or the next company event are good opportunities for this.
8. He gives you lots of compliments, not just about your work
Another sign that your boss is into you is if he gives you compliments that have nothing to do with your job. Praise for good work performance from your boss may be normal, but if he also compliments you on your appearance, says something about your cheerful nature or your beautiful smile, then there is definitely more to it than that.
9. He shows interest in your private life
Does your boss keep asking you questions about your private life? For example, does he ask about your hobbies, your interests, or perhaps even your relationship status? He seems to appreciate you not only as an employee, but also finds you very interesting on a personal level.
10. Meetings during lunch break or after work
Does your boss constantly schedule meetings that fall during your lunch break or after work and then suggest combining the meeting with a quick bite to eat at a restaurant? There's no doubt that he enjoys spending time with you outside of work.
6 rules for love in the workplace
Being in love with your boss is almost always a delicate matter. When should you make your relationship public, and how should you behave around your colleagues?
To ensure that your workplace relationship really works, you should take the following 6 rules to heart.
1. Stay away from one-night stands
A romantic night with your boss? You should get that idea out of your head right away. Not only are you risking your reputation in the company, but in the worst case, you could even lose your job. If your boss is also married, you're asking for double trouble.
Before you regret it later, you should think carefully about whether you want to risk it all for a single night.
2. Don't hide your relationship
Making your relationship with your boss public is certainly not an easy step, but it is a very important one on the path to your mutual happiness.
If you communicate openly about the relationship from the outset, you will prevent rumors and gain more understanding from your colleagues.
3. Choose the right moment
So it's important not to hide your relationship with your boss. But when is the right moment to drop such a bombshell?
It usually takes about two to three months to really assess whether the relationship will last in the long term. So it's better to wait until then before making any hasty decisions.
In addition, it is important, especially in larger companies, to communicate the new relationship to all employees at the same time. If you are open about it from the start, you won't give nasty gossip and rumors a chance.
4. Clear separation between work and private life
Another important rule is to maintain a clear separation between your professional and private life. Your relationship with your boss should not affect your work in any way. You may even have to work harder than before to avoid giving your colleagues the impression that you are now receiving any special treatment.
It is often impossible to achieve a 100% separation. Nevertheless, try as best you can not to discuss private matters at work and, conversely, not to talk too much about work in your free time.
5. Clarify the most important things in advance
Before you make your relationship public, you should discuss the most important issues together and calmly. How do you want to manage separating your job and your private life? Can you imagine continuing to work together? Together, you will find a suitable solution for every problem.
6. Create a good balance between closeness and distance
Couples who work together inevitably spend a lot of time together. As nice as that may be, it can also become a real challenge in the long run when you spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week together. This makes it all the more important for both of you to actively make time for yourselves. Find your own hobby, don't always drive to the office together, or make a point of having lunch with other colleagues.
Conclusion: Falling in love with your boss – it can work!
Being in love with your boss may not always be easy, but it is definitely not an insurmountable hurdle and can work out well.
And let's be honest: who can control who they fall in love with? At the end of the day, all that matters are the people and the feelings they have for each other.
With sufficient transparency in front of your colleagues and a clear separation between work and private life, nothing stands in the way of a relationship with your boss. And the numbers speak for themselves: after all, one in ten people in Germany met their spouse at work.
