Mingle instead of being single—why noncommitment is so trendy
Are we together or are we not? Gone are the days when, after the first kiss or at the latest after sex, it was clear: “We're a couple!” Nowadays, we are no longer just single or taken, but there are countless constellations somewhere in between. This has its advantages and disadvantages. But what exactly is this “mingle” thing? Why is this type of relationship so trendy right now? And what rules do mingles have to follow? We'll explain it all to you:
Mingle – a definition
Never heard of the term mingle? Then it's about time you did, because this type of relationship is all the rage right now. The explanation is actually quite simple:
Mixed + Single = Mingle
This neologism has only been around since 2014 and was coined by Hamburg-based trend researcher Peter Wippermann. Better known under the terms “friends with benefits” or “friends with certain privileges,” it means that a person is officially single but still, at least temporarily, in a relationship-like state. While friendship plus involves nothing more than sex between friends, mingles usually spend their everyday lives together in a way that is very similar to a relationship. The key difference is that officially, they are single, independent, and not tied to anyone. Flirting with others is allowed, but feelings are strictly forbidden.
From single to mingle—5 reasons
Single, mingle, or in a relationship? The transitions are usually fluid. Many people even become mingles without even realizing it. There are many reasons for this. We have summarized the 5 most common ones for you:
1. Fear of being hurt
In many cases, a mingle relationship is simply the result of a lack of communication. Out of fear of rejection and hurt caused by “the clarifying conversation,” the relationship status remains open.
Many mingles are coming out of a long-term relationship, have gone through a painful breakup, and therefore prefer to remain non-committal for the time being so as not to get hurt again.
2. Too little experience
In addition to the fear of rejection, a lack of experience is also a common reason why many people unconsciously fall into the mingle trap. Younger people with little relationship experience are particularly affected by this. For fear of demanding too much, being too pushy, and scaring off their partner, they prefer to remain in limbo, somewhere between a relationship and being single.
3. Too high expectations
He has to be good-looking, have a sense of humor, and a decent salary wouldn't be bad either! He should also like children and animals and exercise regularly. Let's be honest, ladies: the list of requirements we have for our dream man is quite long. A casual mingling lifestyle is therefore the perfect solution for many women. This way, you can continue to search for your “Prince Charming” without having to forego the physical benefits of a relationship.
4. Fear of commitment
Another frequently cited reason for being a mingle is fear of commitment. Whether triggered by traumatic experiences in childhood or by bad role models in one's own parental home.
People with fear of commitment are afraid of committing to a partner in the long term. They therefore usually feel more comfortable in a non-committal mingle relationship. Fear of loss, on the other hand, is usually not an issue for mingles.
5. Desire for independence
The pursuit of independence is a major issue in today's society. Self-fulfillment is a top priority for many people. A committed partner, on the other hand, means obligations and restrictions on personal development.
Who fits this trend? - 10 characteristics of a typical mingler
Of course, anyone can have a non-committal mingling relationship. Nevertheless, a certain pattern can be identified: character traits or life circumstances that apply to most minglers.
You will find these 10 characteristics in many minglers:
They are between 25 and 35 years old
Starting a family is not yet a relevant topic
Their work and living situations are only temporary
They have a strong desire for independence
Self-fulfillment is a big issue for them
Friendship is more important to them than partnership
They pursue specific career goals
They have little interest in romance
Jealousy is not an issue for them
They have no fixed commitments in their lives
Advantages and disadvantages of a mingle relationship
Are you unsure whether this type of relationship would be right for you? To provide some clarity, we have summarized the most important advantages and disadvantages of being a mingle for you:
Advantages:
Independence: Whether it's a brief flirtation with someone else, a spontaneous vacation, or a job offer in another city. You are independent, have no obligations, and can live your life without having to consider your partner.
No loneliness: Even if you haven't found the love of your life yet, you don't have to be alone. You simply enjoy your time together until both of you have found your true dream partner.
No one gets hurt: Since a mingle relationship is only physical, no one gets hurt even if you break up.
Less pressure: Today's social pressure to have a partner by your side is intense. Many people feel liberated from this as mingles.
It's uncomplicated: Where were you last night? Who are you texting again? And who was that on the phone? You are spared the typical relationship stress, jealousy, or long discussions. This makes the whole thing much more relaxed and leaves more time for the nice things in life.
Disadvantages:
Uncertainty: Even if a mingle relationship is hardly distinguishable from a normal partnership from the outside, at the end of the day, both partners are still alone. You don't have a partner who is there for you in bad times or with whom you can talk about your feelings.
Limited duration: That's how it is with most beautiful things—they don't last long. In most mingle relationships, it's only a matter of time before one of the two develops feelings. This leads to arguments, jealousy, and hurt feelings. The carefree nature of the relationship quickly comes to an end.
No long-term planning: The limited duration of your relationship has another disadvantage: long-term planning is impossible. Planning a vacation for next year? No problem with friends or a steady partner, but difficult as a mingle. Who knows what will happen to you both in a year? With all that independence, it can also be annoying in the long run.
Self-doubt: Since you are both officially single, there is no ban on flirting. But if he openly flirts with other women in your presence, perhaps even paying them the same compliments he has paid you, this can quickly lead to self-doubt and jealousy.
6 rules you should follow as a mingle
Despite all the independence and freedom, there are still a few basic rules to follow!
Take these 10 principles to heart, and nothing will stand in the way of a happy mingle life.
1. Honesty:
This should be the top priority for both of you. Only if you are honest with each other about your feelings and attitudes can this “half single, half relationship” construct work. If one of you hides your secret feelings, sooner or later it will lead to arguments and hurt feelings, and also jeopardize your potential friendship after a breakup.
2. Clear boundaries:
Both of you should be clear about the definition of a mingle. You are NOT in a committed relationship and your relationship is temporary!
3. No romance:
A romantic dinner, a bouquet of flowers on Valentine's Day, or breakfast in bed. Once you start with this couple stuff, feelings are not far behind. So: no romance!
4. No games
Flirting with other men to make him a little jealous? What doesn't work in a real relationship won't work as a mingle either. It's better to skip the little games!
5. Fixed rules
How often do you meet? What do you want to talk about and what are taboo topics? Fixed rules are especially important for mingles. The relationship can only work if both partners have the same expectations.
6. Feelings must be respected
Despite all the freedom and lack of commitment, mutual feelings must be respected. If one of the two feels more than just friendship, it's better to end the relationship than to take advantage of it to continue enjoying the benefits.
Help, I'm a mingler, now what?
Help! You thought you were in a committed relationship, but now you realize you've fallen into the mingling trap? Don't panic! Here's how to quickly clarify the situation:
First of all, you should talk to your mingling partner openly and honestly!
Maybe they feel exactly the same way you do? If not, end it! A relationship with a partner who doesn't reciprocate your feelings won't make you happy in the long run.
And don't worry! Trend or not, there are plenty of singles out there who, just like you, are looking for a serious, committed relationship with all the pros AND cons that come with it.
Of course, as always when it comes to love, there is no right or wrong. Trust your gut feeling and choose what suits you best.
