Recognizing narcissists: 10 signs & 10 tips for self-protection

Recognizing narcissists is a skill that must be learned! At first glance, they often seem very likable. Their humorous and confident demeanor exudes a charm that attracts many women. But over time, the very qualities that initially seemed so attractive can develop into his greatest flaws. His self-confidence reveals itself to be self-love. His ruthless and selfish nature makes him difficult to deal with.

What exactly is narcissism? How can you recognize a narcissist? And what should you keep in mind when in a relationship with or separating from a narcissist? You can find out all this and much more in this article.

What is narcissism?

Are you wondering what a narcissist is or what the word narcissism actually means? We explain:

In colloquial language, narcissism means self-love or self-admiration. In other words, a person who considers themselves more important and valuable than their fellow human beings. They tend to overestimate themselves and usually act recklessly and selfishly. You can often recognize a narcissist by the fact that they are very focused on themselves. They have a particularly positive self-image. Narcissists are practically immune to outside criticism.

But behind this perfect facade is usually a poor, wounded soul. Most suffer greatly from their habits. They derive their self-esteem mainly from the recognition of others. If they don't get it, they fall into self-doubt and even depression. “True narcissism” is a personality disorder, but it is very rare. It is estimated that about 6% of the world's population is affected by it.

When we encounter a narcissist in everyday life, they are more likely to be a person with narcissistic traits than a “true narcissist.”

Recognizing narcissists: 10 signs that give them away

Just self-confident or already a narcissist? Recognizing narcissism is not that easy. Therefore, pay attention to the following ten signs in everyday life:

1. A narcissist likes to conquer

A narcissist likes to conquer women. To impress you, he likes to brag about his successes and his supposed wealth. Unfortunately, it often stops at conquest. Once the object of desire has been won over, she becomes uninteresting, and the next victory must be sought.

2. Keeping control

People with narcissistic traits are also real control freaks! This is also noticeable when dating. Whether it's the location, the date, or the activity: he decides.

3. Quick to become aggressive

If something doesn't go according to plan, a narcissist's increased potential for aggression becomes apparent. He becomes unfriendly and takes out his displeasure on those around him. For example, if the waiter serves the wrong dish or brings the wrong wine on your date, he will give him a piece of his mind in front of all the other guests.

4. A narcissist does not apologize

He believes that he is always right. That's why he won't apologize to you.

5. You can recognize a narcissist by his few good and long-lasting friendships

A narcissist knows a lot of people! To reinforce his popularity, he will prove this to you again and again. But all these acquaintances are only superficial. His self-centered nature makes it difficult for him to build deep relationships. In addition, people with narcissistic traits usually do not even notice that their behavior is hurtful. They lack empathy. Many of their friendships fail because of this.

6. No fear of confrontation

Since they consider themselves more important and valuable than their fellow human beings, they do not shy away from conflict. In their eyes, others don't stand a chance against them anyway.

7. They like to be (always) the center of attention

Another sign is that nothing is more important to them than recognition. To get it, they push themselves into the spotlight at every opportunity. - Regardless of whether it is appropriate or not.

8. He expects a lot of understanding, but has none himself

A narcissist's world revolves mainly around him. If he cancels a date, you must be completely understanding. However, if you cancel, there is no excuse. He is offended because you have hurt his pride.

9. He pretends to be a gentleman

For a man with narcissistic traits, it is particularly important to always appear in the perfect light. Especially in the getting-to-know-you phase, he mutates into a true gentleman. He impresses with his self-confident manner and good manners. He will try to impress you with expensive gifts.

10. Recognizing narcissists: The test

Is he a narcissist? Several independent studies in the US have shown that you can easily test narcissists. You can expose him with a catalog of 40 questions. Question number one: “On a scale of one to seven, how much would you describe yourself as a narcissist?”

Partnership with a narcissist: 6 qualities you should have

If narcissism manifests itself as a genuine personality disorder, a serious relationship is hardly possible. However, as already mentioned, these are usually only narcissistic symptoms and not a real disorder. These are often not noticeable in everyday life, so a relationship with them can work well. However, you should not have a problem with their self-confident manner and be able to deal with occasional mood swings. These six characteristics can be helpful:

1. Strong self-esteem

In order to make themselves look better, they like to put other people down. As a partner, you need strong self-esteem so that you don't let such attacks, which are often not meant maliciously, get to you too much.

2. Helpfulness

People with a strong urge to be helpful get along well with narcissists. They have no problem subordinating themselves to their partner and are happy to take care of their partner's worries and problems all day long.

3. Independence

A partner with a narcissistic personality is very preoccupied with themselves and has little time to care for you. For a relationship to work, you should therefore have both feet firmly on the ground and be able to cope well without their help.

4. Patience

A relationship with a narcissist requires one thing above all else: a lot of patience! You must be able to understand their moods and not tire of listening to their own praise.

Relationship with a narcissist: 4 advantages

Sure, dealing with narcissistic people can be exhausting and annoying. Nevertheless, a relationship with them also has some advantages. Of course, we don't want to keep these from you:

1. They show more commitment in the relationship

Narcissists always want to be successful, even in relationships.

To achieve this, they are willing to invest a lot. They will give you the most amazing gifts and plan the most beautiful vacations.

2. They are good in bed

True to the saying, “A belief can move mountains,” their positive self-image and overconfidence allow them to perform at their best. This also applies to the physical part of the relationship.

3. It's never boring with them

Their confident and humorous nature and their urge to constantly be the center of attention ensure that it never gets boring. With a narcissist, there's always something to laugh about!

4. He is a good protector

They do not shy away from confrontation. They know no fear or insecurity. This makes them the ideal protector, especially for shy women. They are the knight in shining armor who never misses an opportunity to protect the woman of his dreams. Even if it's just to put himself in the spotlight again.

Breaking up with a narcissist

As if breakups weren't hard enough. Breaking up with a narcissist is often even more difficult. This applies to both sides. After such a breakup, one thing is particularly important: distance! Both mentally and physically. This is the only way for both parties to get over it!

The narcissist tries to prevent the breakup

Heartbreak is completely normal. We are hurt and perhaps angry, but time heals all wounds. Narcissists, on the other hand, dwell on a breakup for much longer. Breaking up with a narcissist is a deep affront to their dignity. If they are abandoned, they perceive this as a criticism of their person. This severely damages their self-esteem. That's why they will try everything in their power to prevent a breakup. So the key here is to stay strong!

Your partner finds it difficult to let go

Due to their possessive nature, a relationship with a narcissist is always associated with emotional dependence. Many people therefore find it difficult to let go of the relationship. People with narcissistic personalities mold their partners according to their own ideals. Many women do not even notice how they are changing more and more during the relationship.

That is why it is particularly important for you to find yourself again after the breakup. A drastic change in appearance often helps. Perhaps a new haircut or a small change in style in your wardrobe? Old photos or friends can also be helpful in remembering the person you were before the relationship. To avoid falling back into old patterns, you should definitely wait to start a new relationship until you have completely found yourself again.

Conclusion: Take care of yourself!

As you now know, it is usually not a narcissistic personality disorder, but merely narcissistic traits. These are minor quirks that we all have and that do not fundamentally stand in the way of a relationship. However, it is important to never neglect your own well-being. Do not even try to change a narcissist, because you will not succeed. The only thing you can change is yourself. Therefore, take good care of yourself and your needs!